Romance and the Fate of Equestria

Chapter Twenty-Nine

"Aloe? Lotus? …The works, ladies."

The two spa ponies beamed and darted off in opposite directions. Twilight had reserved the entire spa for the morning; she and her friends began heading off in different directions, while remaining close enough to hear one another.

"Hey girls," Twilight said with concern as she put on her robe. "Have any of you met Gewgaw?"

"Gewgaw?" Applejack repeated. "Naw, who's that?"

"She's small, kind of golden fur, wears a lot of leather?"

"Oh yeah, I've seen her," Rainbow Dash said, nodding. "What about her?"

"Well, my first impression is that she's a highly shady and suspicious character," Twilight said. "I'd go so far as to say violently insane."

"And her name is 'Gewgaw', you said?" Rarity said. "Hmph, no wonder."

"Hmm?" Twilight said, tilting her head in confusion.

"The word 'gewgaw' implies… well, tackiness," Rarity explained. "Something flashy and beautiful, but entirely useless and valueless. A horrible, horrible name to give to one's child… or to oneself, whichever the case may be. Either the name drove her mad, or she chose the name because she's mad. Didn't you know, Twilight? A pony named Gewgaw borders on taboo."

"…Huh," Twilight remarked blankly. "Well, if all of you could keep an eye out for her… I spoke to her at my anniversary party. She seriously freaked me out."

Rainbow nodded. "We'll won't let her get the best of us, Twi."

Twilight joined Rarity and Applejack in the steam room, taking a seat beside Rarity. "I've been trying mend the relationship between Spike and Sweetie Belle," Rarity was saying. "It's difficult, though… Sweetie has become so arrogant and full of herself lately. I don't understand it, she's like a completely different filly than she used to be. It makes me sad."

Applejack nodded solemnly. "As much as we'd all like to deny it, them Crusaders are teenagers now, and that means they won't listen to a word anypony else says until they're out of college. And why should they listen to authority? Especially now, now that they've got the power to kill anypony who stands in their way."

"Heh heh, too true," Twilight said, leaning back with her eyes closed. "I talked to Luna about it—she agrees we should all keep a lid on this 'Mecha' stuff. Same risks as ponies abusing Golden Thread, only more so. We gotta be careful."

"I don't know about that, but I love my earth pony pin," Fluttershy said from the mud baths. "My garden is flourishing like it never has before, and I've only worn it three days. I understand the earth so much better…" She sank deep into the mud contentedly.

"Shy, how'd it go with Iron Will?" Twilight asked.

"Great," Fluttershy said excitedly. "We've been making some tweaks. It's so exciting to work with this material, and then… and then how we'll be putting it out in the world. Tickets are being sold… and I'm already getting paid, half of Iron Will's cut. It's crazy how much I've already made, and how much more I'll get if this turns out to be successful…"

"Nice," Rainbow Dash said from the massage table. "Any big plans?"

"Oh, I'm thinking of expanding my property, more space for the animals and more of them," Fluttershy said. "But, heck, maybe I'll just skip that—I've been thinking about building this huge Adventurers mansion, where the six of us can live and work and go about your business… and when evil strikes, we go 'Elements of Harmony, assemble!'" She rose from the mud and struck a victorious pose.

Rainbow Dash snorted with laughter. "Since when do the Adventurers pose like sentai?"

Fluttershy giggled, sitting back down. "I don't know."

"But back to your original premise, which Adventurer are you?"

"Captain Equestria, obviously."

"No, no," Rainbow said sternly. "I'm Captain Equestria. If you're anypony, you're… you're the bow-and-arrow guy."

"Who, Mustang?" Fluttershy demanded. "Oh, come on, even I have more superpowers than he does…"

"A case can be made for Arachne."

"Can I be somepony with actual superpowers?" Fluttershy grumbled.

"Arachne has powers. She has the power to look really good in those pants. Don't look at me like that, it's a compliment. Most ponies don't even wear pants, it's not a very good look, you know? But you, you've got the figure to pull it off."

Fluttershy scowled for a few more seconds, then smiled. "Well, thanks! I've gotta tell you, with everything that's been going on lately, I've never felt so confident and successful and… and sexy, all at once!"

The spa doors opened, and Gilda entered, closely followed by Pinkie Pie, with the Cake twins in their customary position on her back.

"Sorry we're late, yo!" Gilda called out.

"Oh, Gilda!" Fluttershy said eagerly, clambering out of the mud tub.

"Sup, Peeper?"

"I've recently come into a great deal of money—would you be interested in me increasing my shares?"

Gilda nodded in surprised gratitude. "Oh… sure, anything helps."

"Great! I've written you a check." Fluttershy found her saddlebag, produced the small slip of paper and gave it to Gilda.

"Whoa…" Gilda said, her eyes wide. "Holy crap. But this means…"

"That's right, I own you," Fluttershy said brightly.

"So now you're primary owner…" Gilda muttered, looking at the check thoughtfully. She smirked at Fluttershy. "Guess I had it coming, eh Ducky?"

"Oh no, I don't do petty revenge," Fluttershy said hastily. "I just want to help my friend succeed in business."

"…You're talking about Dash, aren't you?"

"Obviously. But you as well."

Gilda stared blankly at Fluttershy's sincere and kind smile. It took a few seconds for her to manage a smile of her own. "Thanks, Peeper." She walked past Fluttershy into the spa. "YO, ALOE! CRACK MY BACK!"

"Pinkie, your mane!" Twilight said with concern.

Pinkie looked at her glumly. Her mane and tail were limp and straight.

"I'm scared, Twilight," she whispered. "I can't stop itching and twitching, I feel—"

"WHAZZUP!" Pumpkin Cake squeaked.

"Not now, Pumpkin-wumpkin, Aunt Pinkie's trying to make a grave and ominous pronouncement," Pinkie said soothingly, before turning back to the others. "I don't know what's going on, but I can guarantee… something sinister is going to happen."

She glowered in a foreboding manner for a few seconds, before her mane puffed back up out of nowhere. She looked, cross-eyed, at the lock of hair dangling in front of her eyes. "…Huh," she said blankly.

Rainbow Dash stifled a snort, which caused Applejack to break out in laughter, and in turn every pony in the spa was soon rolling on the floor, including Pinkie.

The door opened again, causing them all to jump in surprise. They quickly sighed with relief when Snicker-Snack entered. Twilight rushed over to him eagerly.

"Hey, baby," she said, tripping awkwardly over the pet name. "How'd it go?"

"Great," he said. "Things are really looking up for me and the guys." He stared off into space thoughtfully as he rubbed Twilight's back. "I just love those guys so much."

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Skippmud stood at the crest of a hill overlooking Ponyville. Her eyes scanned every detail and feature of the town.

Crazyface flew up beside her. "So, what do we know?" he asked.

"Soon," Skippmud replied. "We're going very soon."

"Can I get a 'Hallelujah'?" Crazyface said, striking an exalting pose.

"Hallelujah," Skippmud said tonelessly. "Veeb says we've got all we need. This whole 'Snicker-Snack' nightmare is officially over and behind us."

"Ha-ha, Snicker-Snack."

"Yup," Skippmud said, smirking. "But he'll be out of our lives soon enough. We're ready to begin."

"I've been ready for a while," Crazyface said, stretching his legs and flailing them around wildly. "Been getting jittery."

"Haven't we all? Anyway, Veeb says not to rock the boat, we leave in two days."

"Oh, please," Crazyface sneered. "When have we ever rocked the boat?"

"I know, right?" Skippmud said, rolling her eyes. "I don't know what's gotten into—"

"But two days?" Crazyface inquired. "That's not nearly enough time for our standard procedure for leaving towns."

"Yep, we'll have to do a short version," Skippmud said simply. "Better get started."

"All right," Crazyface said, saluting and starting off toward the town. "See you when we're stealing Equestria's crown jewels."

"See you then, buddy."

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Endnotes

Adventurers Assemble! I alluded to Thor a few chapters ago, so there's your confirmation that the Avengers do exist in this universe, except that they're the Adventurers! Yes, quite a few of my more fanciful character names are based on my 4-year-old sister mispronouncing things. She's a huge Avengers fan, particularly of the Earth's Mightiest Heroes cartoon. As to why their Hawkeye equivalent is named Mustang, that's a highly complicated and detailed double-joke. Let me know if you get it. Or if you don't get it, but you want to. Anyway, I could go on, but I won't. I haven't checked, but I'm sure there's plenty of fanfiction and art about ponified Avengers… with all the exact same ponified names I came up with… because again, friggin' everywhere.