Romance and the Fate of Equestria

Have I mentioned that I really wish I'd given these chapters titles? I'm really bad at titles, so I figured I wouldn't need them here, I figured, hey, this story will be like 45 chapters, tops. Look at where we are now, the first chapter I ever wrote, which I figured would be a halfway point, chapter 24 or something, turned out to be Chapter 81 and it's already more than half a story ago. And with all the big gaps in updating I've taken, I can't always remember what's been going on, and it's really hard to cross-reference events with things that have already happened when all the chapter titles are just numbers.

Every time I do an Author's Note or a reveal or a significant dialogue scene, I get this feeling like I've already done it before, because I've been thinking about it and planning it for so long. At least I've got my handwritten sheet which reminds me of which chapter each number corresponds to, but—okay, I've definitely said this before. I think. I don't know! That's what makes it crazy…

Chapter One Hundred and Seventy-Six

On a small island in the middle of a bay in the northern reaches of Equestria was Alcatrots. The austere prison was completely unadorned, a drastic turn from the usual vibrant architecture seen throughout the pony nation, just a simple square building of white with touches of black, surrounded by a concrete wall.

In the prison cafeteria, pony prisoners of all sorts milled about, eating mostly in silence, clad in off-white woolen tunics.

Towering over all the other inmates was a blank-faced blue horse, drawing occasional glances from the others as he passed by. Perched on his back was a small white beast, a furry creature with large wings, skinny arms with long spindly fingers, and a flat-snouted, bat-like face. Instead of legs, the creature had a long, thick tail, and it sat upon its coils, its pure black eyes scanning the cafeteria carefully.

As he entered the line to be served, he finally caught the attention of one of the ponies in the corner of the room: a skinny gray pegasus, his slick green mane having grown lank and greasy. He elbowed his companion, the milky-eyed, brown-toothed unicorn not looking any rougher than usual after his time in prison.

"Oi, Xzeph," the pegasus muttered. "Take a look."

The unicorn followed his gaze to the horse and the small creature, but didn't seem to comprehend anything.

"Give me a minute…"

The pegasus waited around as the horse collected his meal, then followed him to an empty table and sat down opposite the horse and its small companion.

"The serpent has three sets of teeth," the pegasus stated casually.

"Mmmm," the horse said numbly.

But the small creature perked up. "Then its bite is thrice as deadly," it said eagerly in a deep, rich voice, its white fur turning a vibrant green.

The pegasus grinned. "On the same side, then."

"I suppose so."

"I'm Pro Monty," said the pegasus. "And this here is Xzephyr Xzone."

The unicorn joined them at the table, and lazily stated to the empty air above him, "Marry me under cherry trees and we'll feast on the throats of those who oppose us."

"Ignore him," Pro Monty said dismissively, "he just does that to make me look stupid."

"Ummmm… Bardic," said the horse. "And Bark, my familiar."

"Whatcha in for?" said Pro.

"Mmmmm… alchemy experiments," Bardic mumbled.

"Dangerous stuff," Bark clarified, wiggling his long fingers excitedly as his body rippled and turned electric blue. "The kind that you need the life-force of a sapient being to run. When the city guard got tipped off and raided the place, it looked like a heavy metal album cover! Heads everywhere, bones, head-bones, pentagrams in blood all over the walls and floors.."

"Mm-hmm," Bardic agreed.

"Lady Kolassa found us wandering in the desert after our banishment. She felt exile was insufficient punishment, figuring us to be en route to another town to merely continue our experimentation."

"Mmmmm, she wasn't wrong."

"So, she brought us here," Bark finished with a flourish, relaxing and turning white again. "And you?"

"We got busted tryin' to steal the Colossus of Talona," Pro growled. "We overlooked the fact that we would need an earth pony to run all three stations… and that the damn machine can fight back of its own accord, which came completely outta nowhere, definitely would have been useful ta know ahead o' time…"

"Well!" Bark said grandly. "What are the odds that two pairs of followers of Sørmur dï Mitgaeard would find themselves imprisoned together?"

"Given the Allmother's known propensity to screw with fate, I'd say the odds are pretty good," Pro said grimly.

"Indeed."

"Haven't heard much from her lately, o' course," said Pro. "How go things on the outside?"

"Well… regarding the chosen one, things aren't going as well as we may have hoped," said Bark, bits of yellow slowly flooding his coat.

"Vorpal Blade?" Pro said snidely. "Och, the bloke's lost his touch. I heard stories about him when I first joined. Used to be he could commit a crime in broad daylight and, with a flick of his thoughts, throw everypony who witnessed it into complete denial that they ever saw a thing. Now his face has wallpapered the whole nation and there ain't nopony speakin' out in his defense."

"Well, he hasn't set hoof in Equestria for some time," said Bark, a bit of green appearing on him. "And if he has, he hasn't made any effort toward reinstating his old mental blocks… I'm sure if he did, the tide would turn. But you're not the only one who thinks that… there's been talk of Bardic here taking up the mantle of chosen one."

"That's absolutely fascinatin'," Pro said dismissively. "Any thoughts on bustin' out o' here, chosen one?"

"A few."

"Well, how about it, then?" said Pro. "Are we ready to rejoin our mistress?"

Bark grinned, his hideous snout cracking open to reveal several rows of fangs. "Yes… yes, it's about that time." The shifting colors of his fur gave way to solid blue.

"Mmmm, yeah, I'd say we're ready," Bardic said noncommittally.

"And the best thing about dead hookers is you don't have to pay them," Xzephyr stated.

Bark raised an eyebrow at Pro, growing slightly paler.

"It's… it's nothing, forget about," Pro said dismissively, getting up out of his seat. "Come on, let's go have a look at the walls. See how we might tackle them…"

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

In the prison yard, the four of them gathered in a quiet corner, carefully examining the ten-foot-tall, solid stone walls.

"The whole prison's encased in a magic bubble," Pro explained. "And, of course, there's the anti-magic aura on the whole place, which is not necessarily synonymous with the bubble, but is kind of a big obstacle."

"That won't be a problem," said Bark. "Do continue."

"Well, one trick I've noticed about the bubble is that it starts at the top of the fence," said Pro, pointing up to it. "Which is to say, it only prevents you from going over the walls—you can go under or through. In theory. Any feat of strength that could bust down the walls or dig a hole fast enough, probably also covered by the anti-magic. Even pegasus flight is a form of magic, so even if there wasn't a force field, there'd be no getting me out. Guess it's for flyin' prisoners whose wings actually… physically lift them."

"I know what that's like," Bark snipped. "My flight isn't within the laws of physics either. But as I said, the anti-magic field won't hinder our escape."

"And why's that, then?"

"Mmm…" Bardic muttered. "Alchemy… transmutation… not magic."

"Och, I've heard that before," Pro sneered. "It's a load of hippie nonsense. Of course alchemy is magic."

Bardic didn't respond, instead gripping a piece of chalk between his teeth and drawing a pattern on the wall with it, numerous concentric circles lined with mysterious arcane symbols.

"What's this, then?" Pro demanded of Bark.

"What's it look like to you?" Bark shot back.

Bardic spat out the chalk, reared up onto his hind legs, and pounded the diagram with his front hooves. In a puff of white smoke, the chalk circle was gone… as was the portion of the wall on which it had been drawn.

"…A big honkin' hole in the wall," Pro said in surprise. "Well!"

An alarm began to wail, and lights flashed atop the guard towers spaced along the walls at intervals.

"Wuh-oh…" Pro remarked.

The guards at the tops of the two nearest towers quickly spotted them, training crossbows at them and firing without a moment's hesitation. Bardic pounded the ground again, deflecting the bolts with red-and-black magical shields that sprang up out of nowhere.

"Ummmm, go," he said to the others.

"Right!" said Pro. "Through the wall, Xzeph! …Xzeph?"

Xzephyr was staring into space. Pro bopped him on the head, and Xzephyr instantly starting screaming, snarling, and jabbering.

"Nong nong nong nong nong!" he shrieked, hurling himself through the hole in the wall and hopping down the hill. Pro pursued, followed by Bark, who swiftly transformed from a physically furry creature to a being of pure, swirling magical energy, and quickly took to the air, his form changing from white to a deep, deadly-looking purple-black.

Guards emerged from the prison entrance and charged toward them to intercept their paths, but a single blast of green flame and crackling electricity from Xzephyr's horn broke the charge, felling most of the guards, some of them missing appendages, all of them tumbling head over hooves into the grass into pools of their own blood.

Those guards that remained bravely maintained their stride, spreading out to attempt to take the prisoners from two directions.

Bark flew up above them, blasting them with bursts of lightning, sizzling flesh and fur. Swooping down low over the second group, he expelled a blast of smoke, leaving them blinded and coughing.

The two ponies galloped down the hill toward the edge of the island, the small creature flying alongside them. Bardic caught up to them, the earth itself seeming to move and shift to allow him to overtake his allies.

"To our, mmmmmm, mistress then," Bardic said quietly.

With a wave of his hoof, platforms of stone appeared over the water. He and Xzephyr hopped from one to another, Pro and Bark flying over them.

Pro watched in fascination as the platforms vanished at a rapid pace and reappeared in time for the horse and unicorn to continue their stride uninterrupted across the bay, faster than the pegasus guards at the prison could follow, the air and water seeming to aid the escapees to proceed across the bay at a great speed, while hindering their pursuers.

"You're our new chosen one, then?" he said darkly to Bardic.

"Mmm, so she tells me," Bardic replied. "You know… depends. Mmmmmmm-hmm."

"Good 'nuff for me," Pro said brightly. "Where to, boss?"

"Mmm… mountains," Bardic said simply, picking up speed.