Romance and the Fate of Equestria

A'ight, you know the drill—this past update, 147 to 149, first update since the Season 6 premiere. I suppose I should watch it, but… I dunno. I kinda feel like I'm over the whole FIM thing.

Don't worry, that doesn't mean I'm tired of this story, not by a long shot. But the TV series is, I dunno, whenever I think back on its entire history, it's… not as good as I remember it being. I don't know where this came from. Somehow, I just suddenly feel like the series has never lived up to its potential.

Chapter One Hundred and Forty-Nine

It was fully spring in Ponyville now, and a large group gathered around two picnic tables pushed together, the group's focus on Fluttershy, leaning against Big Macintosh at the spot where the two tables met.

"So, what's this all about, Fluttershy?" Twilight asked. "Why did you ask all of us to bring recipes?"

"Well," Fluttershy said, "as you know, I'm currently the owner of Sugarcube Corner, the former Golden Thread building, and our old local tavern. And I've been thinking, what I'd like from you, is recipe ideas, to give each place something new that you can't find anywhere else in Ponyville, and sell them all as a sort of brand to tie the three places together."

"Ah!" said Gilda, clad in her dark armor, clapping her talons together. "Well, I'm glad you decided to consult me even though I… have absolutely no stock in the company anymore. Much appreciated. Check this out…" She produced a tray of tiny cups. "I didn't get very far into converting the Golden Thread store into a restaurant, but I was knocking around a few ideas, expanding from the pretzels and falafels and stuff. Here's a few soft drinks I invented."

Fluttershy took one of the cups, filled with a clear drink, and took a sip. "Mmm," she remarked. "That's quite good."

"Yeah. I call it 'Helmet Sweat'."

Fluttershy paused, choking a bit. "That's, uh… not the most appetizing name, Gilda."

"No?" Gilda said in amusement. "Maybe not out of context, but if we market it right… see, the idea is that it's strained out of the sweaty helmet of, I dunno, some kind of candy gladiator. Ponies are suckers for cutesy branding like that, right?"

"Not… not precisely," Fluttershy muttered. "But… we'll talk about it. Don't quit your job to work in advertising or anything." She pointed to another, darker drink. "And what's this?"

"This one, I invented as a kid," said Gilda. "I call it 'Evil Genius Juice'."

"Mm-hmm…" Fluttershy tried it, and winced. "It's a bit odd. What's in it?"

"Came up with it at a restaurant I used to visit a lot when I was little," said Gilda. "They had a soda fountain, and so what I did was pump a single, equal spritz of every drink they had into one cup."

Fluttershy stared at the drink, bemused, and looked back at Gilda. "That's not really a recipe, Gilda."

"It is if you make it behind the counter where the customer can't see you," said Gilda, winking. "Randomize it, make it a little bit different every time, advertise that no two cups of Evil Genius Juice are exactly the same, it'll be a gold mine."

"…I do like that," Fluttershy admitted. "It's a bit sneaky…"

"It's fine," Gilda said dismissively.

"But different every time, that's a good idea."

"Of course it is."

Applejack rifled through some old, yellowing index cards. "Hrmm… I haven't looked through the old family recipes in the longest time. Oh! I'd forgotten about this one."

"What's that, Applejack?" Fluttershy said with interest.

"Mac, do you remember Mom's spicy chocolate apple pie?" Applejack said slyly.

His eyes lit up.

"Spicy chocolate apple pie?" Fluttershy said blankly. "That sounds… um… unusual?"

"Sounds like it wouldn't work, don't it?" Applejack agreed. "But Mom, she cracked it. She made it work. And how she made it work… is right here on this little old index card." She gently slid the card across the table to Fluttershy, smiling. "Make pies with this recipe, sell 'em all you like, but promise me you'll never make a copy of the recipe, never speak it out loud, never let anypony see it, and don't you ever lose it. Promise me that, and it's yours."

"Mine?" Fluttershy squeaked.

"It's an Apple heirloom. You're as good as an Apple. You gonna take care of that recipe?"

Fluttershy nodded slowly. "Of course, Applejack. You can count on me." Mac nuzzled her.

"Let me know if you need help perfecting it," said Applejack, winking. "It ain't easy, but you get that recipe done exactly the way my mom intended, that pie's gonna leave you with profits up to your ears. As a stockholder, I'm interested in you gettin' it right."

"Are you sure about this, Applejack?" Fluttershy said fretfully. "It's a family recipe. Should I really—?"

Applejack glared.

"Okay," Fluttershy submitted, blushing. "Add it to the collection, then. Pinkie Pie? I'm sure you've got plenty for us. Sweet treats?"

"Nah," Pinkie said, her face dead serious. "The best sweet treats in Equestria are already at Sugarcube Corner. I don't have any secrets to offer there. But! I think I can help you out with the pub food and the restaurant food." She presented several bottles. "I had all these sauces imported. Nopony will ever touch any other sandwich in Ponyville if you use… these babies."

"Ooh!" Fluttershy said appreciatively. "Color me intrigued. What do you have there?"

Pointing to one bottle at a time, Pinkie recited: "Marinara sauce, actually made by the marines. Ranch dressing, made by real ranchers. Jalapeño ranch dressing, made by real jalapeño ranchers. Thousand island dressing, with ingredients actually retrieved from a thousand different islands."

"Pinkie…" Twilight said wearily. "I don't know where you got all these dressings, but has it occurred to you that maybe you've been scammed? And that you're being overly literal?"

"Overly literal?" Pinkie said in alarm. "Don't be silly! I just have a thing for authentic dressings. They have to be authentic so they taste right. You haven't tasted tartar sauce until you've had real tartar sauce, its ingredients grown entirely in the fertile volcanic soil deep within Tartaros."

Twilight flinched away from the tartar sauce in surprise. "Are you sure about that?"

"Absolutely! I happen to know there's a farm in the depths of Tartaros, away from the prison parts of it, where they grow capers, cucumbers, garlic, olives, lemons, cocktail onions, mustard plants, tarragon, dill… the brine solution for pickling the cucumbers is all harvested from an underground lake there, the chickens that provide the eggs are fed entirely off of all the other ingredients, and it's all grown under artificial sunlight—all for producing real, genuine, authentic tartar sauce, because that's where it comes from."

Twilight raised an eyebrow, scowling. "Are you absolutely sure about that? This is a bit out there even for you."

"Oh, Twilight," Pinkie said brightly. "Don't you realize that I've got culinary connections all over the country? If I say my ingredients are authentic… they're authentic. And now they're yours!" She slid them across the table to Fluttershy.

"You can keep us well-supplied with these?" Fluttershy checked.

"I suuuure hope so," Pinkie said brightly.

"…But, can you?"

"Yes, yes, don't worry about it."

"Okay," said Fluttershy. "Well, now we need to work on what we'll be putting the sauce… on."

"I'll get right on that," said Pinkie, beaming.

"Fluttershy, I have to ask," said Twilight, "what's this all about? You've bought three businesses, and now you're trying to make some huge profit? This isn't like you. What's really going on?"

"Well…" Fluttershy said uncomfortably, "it's… the thing is… well, you all know that ever since my modeling days, I've had more money than I know what to do with, and I've always tried to put it to good use, put it out there into the community, circulate it through Ponyville, but the thing about investing like that is that every time I put the money out there, I make a profit."

"Yeah, that must suck," Twilight said dryly.

Fluttershy laughed. "So, lately, I've had an ambition… a final objective… something I could only do if I maintained this level of success. So I'd need to invest a little more, keep my eyes open to the opportunities, and once I have enough money I can finally put it toward what I truly desire… something I can't possibly profit from. Then maybe I'll just be a normal pony again. Being wealthy doesn't really suit me. It just makes me uncomfortable to know that all that money could easily be somepony else's."

"I guess that makes some level of sense," said Twilight. "What are you hoping to buy?"

Fluttershy was silent and took a deep breath before responding. "I want to build a house. There's this plot of land just outside of Ponyville. It's near enough to Sweet Apple Acres that Macky can easily walk to the orchards every day. And I'll just take my entire practice and move it there. It's on a hilltop. There's a duck pond nearby, with a huge weeping willow tree overlooking it… it's perfect. I want to buy that land, and build a house there, a place for Macky and I to start our lives and family together. A nice big property, with plenty of running-around space for all my animals… and for any foals there might be." She snuggled up to Big Mac.

Twilight smiled. "That's a beautiful dream, Fluttershy."

She nodded slowly. "And of course, after that… I'll still have the three businesses, and my royalties, I just need to find some sort of charitable cause to funnel that toward. There's not much need for charity in Ponyville… I'd have to search elsewhere."

"So," Rainbow said thoughtfully, "you don't have enough money to buy that, ah, choice piece of property there?"

"No."

"Hmm, all right," said Rainbow, agreeably passing some money to Twilight.

"Thank you!" Twilight said cheerfully.

"What's with all the betting going on lately?" Fluttershy demanded. "Why am I not a part of this?"

"…I dunno," said Twilight. "Just kinda happened, I guess."

"And what was this one about?"

"I thought you were a millionaire," said Rainbow. "But if you can't afford that land…"

Fluttershy giggled. "No, not even close. I am doing very, very well. But a million bits, that's a lot of money. Two months of modeling and writing a self-help seminar doesn't cut it."

"I gotcha," said Rainbow, nodding with comprehension.

Applejack snorted with laughter.

"What?" Fluttershy said.

"When this is over," Applejack chuckled, "or, when it all works out, we'll be able to say, 'She's beautiful, she's rich, and she's got huge tracts of land.'"

Fluttershy laughed yet again. "Yeah. I guess I will be all of that."

"A beautiful dream," Twilight repeated. "It really is."