Romance and the Fate of Equestria

Chapter One Hundred and Thirty-Six

Pinkie Pie pulled a switch in a dank basement, making a stone slab of a table raise itself up to a vertical position on a series of clanking gears and chains. Belted to the table was a pale pink pegasus mare with a baby-blue mane, crying and whimpering, clad in a dress made of rotting pony skin.

"Ohhh…" Pinkie sighed, entranced. "Nopony's ever filled out that dress as well as you do."

"Bonny…" the pony whimpered. "Please… no more…"

Pinkie pouted. "Hmm… you still don't like your party? That's sooooo sad. I don't understand it. If only somepony could tell me what I'm doing wrooooong!" She gesticulated wildly, prancing around, all while sharply focused on not looking at the surrounding film crew.

She took note of the blood trickling down the stone table, product of her captive's shattered leg. "I know!" she exclaimed in delight. "You need to maaaatch! You can't party when you look so off-kilter and stuff." She giggled. "Here, let me real quick break your other leg."

Casually staring into space, Pinkie turned around and powerfully bucked her victim's other leg with both of her own.

"AAAAUUGGGGGH!" the pony screamed, the lengthy keen eventually giving way to painful sobs.

"There, see?" Pinkie chirped. "Now we're ready to go! I'll get everything ready for your party tomorrow night."

She started up the basement stairs. "You wouldn't believe the day I had today. So many ponies asking if I've seen you! You're so loved. I bet it's because of that beautiful voice of yours. That powerful scream after all we've been through this evening was just…" She kissed her own hoof. "Brilliant! And you still have the energy to cry like an angel."

Pinkie turned around and hopped back to the still-sobbing victim, a pegasus camera operator following her every move.

"I know…" Pinkie whispered, pushing on the lever that lowered the table back into its horizontal position. "Maybe when our time together is over… I can take your lungs… bake them into some sort of tasty treat… and then if I eat that, I'll be able to sing like you!"

The pony's face went nearly white with despair.

"Goodnight," Pinkie concluded, kissing the prisoner on the cheek before once more darting up the stairs. "Sweet dreams," she said breathily as she closed the basement door.

"And… cut!"

Pinkie bounced back onto the set. "WHEEEEE!" she sang. "I love that we're doing that whole bit in just one shot! GENIUS!" She hopped down the stairs, almost exactly as she had done in-character, but her body language somehow vastly different.

"So, which take was best?" Pinkie inquired. "First? Second? Third?"

"I'd have to re-watch it to be sure," said the director, a red unicorn with a bushy brown mustache, as he rose out of his seat. "But I think it's safe to say the first take had what we needed."

"Well, let that be a lesson to you: don't make us do more than one take," Pinkie said sweetly. She bumped the hoof of her co-star, who was still strapped to the table and reacted to the unexpected contact with a blank stare.

The director laughed. "All right, everypony, good shoot today. We're done for the weekend—way ahead of schedule, I may add—so let's tidy up the set, and we'll be back to work next week."

Numerous assistants rushed over to release Pinkie's co-star from her confinement. Pinkie bypassed them and bounced to the director's side as he started wandering off. "HIIII!"

"Ah, hello Pinkie Pie," he said warmly. "How'd you enjoy your first weekend of shooting?"

"It is the BEST!" she squealed. "I really have to thank you for this job. I am so lucky that you're in an on-and-off casual sexual relationship with my sister!"

"Heh, I feel pretty lucky about that myself," he said dryly. "I think, after all the attention you've drawn from the higher-ups, I might have to consider your role in this film as a favor she did for me, rather than the other way around."

"Awww!" said Pinkie, blushing bright.

"I mean it," he insisted. "They've already drawn up a shooting schedule for the next movie. They had no faith in this franchise before you came on board."

Pinkie sat down, prompting several ponies to swarm over her and begin removing her makeup.

"So," she said casually, her eyes closed. "I finally got a look at the full script today. The ending, is that true to what happened in the book?"

"Oh, yes, the script is very faithful to the book," the director assured her.

"Mm-hmm, mm-hmm," she said with fascination. "Well, I liked the ending. I mean, it's not a great ending, the Songbird dies and all, but at least she gets Bonny thrown in jail…"

"That would be what they call a 'bittersweet' ending," the director said wryly.

"Well, it sure beats the way the first movie ended. The pony just dies and Bonny keeps on living her slashin' lifestyle. That's just a bring-down…"

He shrugged. "You have to realize, it wouldn't be a six-book series if the slashin' lifestyle stopped at the end of the second book."

"Wellll, at least the ending of this movie will give us some hope," said Pinkie. "You know, until the next one."

The streaks and streamers in her mane and the temporary color in her coat completely wiped off, Pinkie popped out of the chair. "Again, I really appreciate this opportunity," she said.

"As do I," said the director. "You've got the stuff."

Pinkie giggled. "See you next weekend!"

As she started bobbing out of the studio space, she spotted her fellow actress, cleaned of all her bloodstains and now wearing a pair of sparkly red-rimmed glasses.

"Hey, Songbird!" she said, sidling up beside her. "You know, I never did catch your name."

"It's, uh, it's Glitter Mirror," the pegasus said nervously. "I'm Glitter Mirror. And you're Pinkie Pie."

"Yup!" Pinkie agreed, clacking her hind hooves together. "So, where are you headed?"

"Oh, uh, I was just gonna go out for brunch," Glitter Mirror stammered. "I know a great place."

"That's great! Can I join you?"

"Uh… um, really?" she said in surprise. "Uh, yeah, I'd like that… join me."

Pinkie smiled, waiting for Glitter to speak. When she didn't, Pinkie shrugged and spoke herself. "You're doing such a good job! On that first take, when you screamed, for a minute I thought I'd really broken your leg. I kept going because, you know, it made the scene real and it would have made a heck of a story years down the line, but I was scared the whole time."

Glitter giggled. "I… thanks. Coming from you, that means a lot. I mean, you're amazing."

"Heyyyy, don't be like that," Pinkie laughed, poking her. "I wouldn't be nothin' without you. It's just you and me for most of this movie. Gotta keep each other on our toes!" She held her front hooves up over her head and danced across the floor.

"That's true, it is just us," Glitter said thoughtfully. "It definitely isn't like anything else I've ever done."

"Ooooh, have you been in anything I might have seen?" Pinkie leaned toward her, wide-eyed and intrigued.

"Uh, nothing I've had more than a few seconds of screentime in," Glitter said, embarrassed.

"Well, that's a few seconds more screentime than I've ever gotten!" Pinkie chirped brightly.

"That's right, I'd heard you'd never been in a movie before," said Glitter with interest. "I didn't believe it at first, but then… then I could kind of tell… but you catch on quick. Although sometimes you do still glance at the cameras."

"Yeah, I gotta work on that," Pinkie said grimly.

At this point, they were out of the studio and making their way through the streets of Canterlot.

"Can I just…?" Glitter said, her posture loosening slightly. "I gotta say, when the cameras stop rolling, you become a totally different pony. It's amazing."

Pinkie's eyes went huge and moist. "Awww, you really think so? You think I'm not like Bonny Blu? It feels so good to hear somepony say that."

"Think nothing of it," Glitter said with a smile. "Um…" She bit her tongue, fidgeting uncertainly.

"Glitter, you can talk to me," Pinkie said playfully. "Come on, spit it out."

"It's just…" Glitter mused. "I've heard a lot about you since you were cast… is it true you're dating Fancypants?"

Pinkie stopped in her tracks; Glitter took a moment to notice, and continued walking for a few seconds before turning around. "What's wrong?"

Pinkie was dumbfounded, staring off into space, absolutely bewildered. After a few seconds, she finally managed to say, "You ask a lotta tough questions, Glitter Mirror."

"You're not dating him?"

"I was the last time I saw him," Pinkie said slowly. "But that was months ago. I wonder what happened there? I… I think I'm gonna have to take a rain check on that brunch. I've gotta go find out if I'm still dating Fancypants."

Glitter nodded uncertainly, and Pinkie ran off into the city.

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Pinkie spent hours dashing around the city, asking around wherever she could about where Fancypants could be found. Eventually, she located him, exiting a museum at the head of a vaguely-familiar group of high-society types.

"Ohh, hey!" she called out eagerly, bobbing over to them. "Hey, hey Fancypants!"

He stared back at her as if he couldn't comprehend what he was seeing. "Pinkie Pie?" he muttered under his breath.

She nodded, and slowed her pace. "Can I ask you something?"

"I… certainly," he said, not sounding certain at all.

"Are we still going out?"

Fancypants looked genuinely confused, even pained. "Erm… I'm sorry?"

"Somepony just reminded me," Pinkie said anxiously. "That I had… you know, a boyfriend… and I'm wondering if that's still a thing that's going on, at all?"

He blinked repeatedly. "Well, I suppose that would depend on… on what it is you want."

"Well, of course I want to be dating you!" she said delightedly. "That was great."

"Y-you want to…?" he stammered in disbelief.

"Of course I do," she said tenderly. "I just… forgot."

"Well," he huffed. "If that's the case, I would have to say…" He finally smiled. "Yes. Yes, we are still together."

His companions' eyes had been darting between the two of them with fascination, and at this their jaws dropped.

"Yay!" Pinkie whooped. She tackled Fancypants, hugging him tightly, and in mere seconds was dragging him away, their arms linked. She looked around at the splendor of Canterlot's architecture. "Whooooa, Canterlot looks totally different with a boyfriend…"

He chuckled, amused at his own helplessness.

"You could have written to me, you know!" she scolded, playfully smacking his chest. "I could have used a reminder. 'Hey, remember me, we're dating…'"

"I wanted to write to you," he said. "I was going to. But my friends back there, they urged me to wait for you to speak first, and when you didn't, they took it as a sign. 'She's just not that into you', she said."

"Oh, don't listen to them," she said with mock snootiness. "I'm sooooo into you. I just…"

"Forgot."

"Yeah. Forgot."

He beamed. "Well, I didn't forget you."

"You're into me?" she said playfully.

"I am."

She giggled, biting her lip shyly. "There's just so much going on, so much to keep track of. With so many ponies and relationships in my life, you can't really blame me for forgetting about my relationship."

"I can assure you, I'm familiar enough with you for that to make perfect sense," he said, leaning his head on her.

Pinkie glanced at the sun, which was descending, kissing the rooftops of the city. "Hmm, it took me a long time to find you," she observed. "I've gotta catch my train back to Ponyville—but I'll be back next weekend or more filming, if you wanna see me then. Maybe I can stay a bit longer?"

"I would like that."

"Promise you'll write to me so I don't forget again!" she said urgently, gently pressing a hoof against his chest.

"Absolutely," he said. "If I'd only known before that that's what I'd have to do, I'd have done it."

"Good."

"I'll be very diligent about it," he said seriously. "I wouldn't want you to slip away from me." He stopped walking, and gently cupped her face in his hoof, staring at her with admiration.

She blushed a vivid red. "Promise?" she whispered.

"Pinkie Pie, it cannot be overstated how much you enchanted me at the Bazaar," he said confidently. "I've missed you every day. I can forgive a few months of absent-mindedness if it means we can pick up where we left off."

Flustered, Pinkie averted her eyes, fanning her overheating face. "That's so great," she mumbled through a wide smile. "Nopony's ever… okay, I'll see you next weekend."

"As you wish."

He leaned in, lips parted, and she backed away in alarm. "Whoa, whoa, what are you doin'?"

"Oh!" he exclaimed. "Oh, dear, I'm sorry… have you never kissed a stallion before?"

"Not… dramatically," she said lamely.

"Sorry?"

"Only when it was funny," she explained.

He frowned. "How does that work?"

She looked around. "Um… I don't know how I can demonstrate. It's not really the right moment to make this scene funny." She shrugged it off. "Not a big deal. Maybe non-funny kissing is something we can practice next week."

"Oh, I'll give you all the practice you could possibly hope for," he said under his breath in amusement.

She smiled. "Catch you later… BF."

Pinkie Pie zipped off into the distance. Fancypants watched her closely until she was out of sight, then gazed around at the shockingly empty street she had led him to. "Let's see, where the devil am I?" he pondered. He laughed it off and started retracing his steps.

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Endnotes

Bet you forgot Pinkie was dating Fancypants, didn't you? I referenced it briefly when the ponies were in the changeling hive, just to signify that I hadn't forgotten. You see, I realized at the Bazaar that it would be a long time before PinkiePants would once again be able to have some decent screentime amongst the rest of the story's flurry of activity—you know how it goes in this story, it can take ages for a subplot to crop up again after it's introduced—and I thought that forgetting about it entirely was a very "Pinkie Pie" way to justify sidelining it for a while. I knew how their relationship would develop, but it couldn't happen until a time that its progression fit in with everything else. You'll know it when you see it.

Another thing: I had a vague notion with the character of the director, that he would be inspired by Robin Williams. The day he died, that notion solidified in my mind. And by that I mean "dramatic Robin Williams", of course; I'm not nearly smart enough to write a character who behaves like "comedic Robin Williams". Nobody is, really. But I can dream of him delivering the director's lines with gravitas.

His death was over a year ago. My, how this story has slowed to a crawl… it's because I have a job and a life now. Whose idea was that? Yeesh…