Romance and the Fate of Equestria

It's been brought to my attention that the intensified level of sexual content in the story has gotten rather irksome. And, well, as a person who's seen the story's future, I was pretty aware of that myself. I was planning on asking if anybody else was getting the feeling that the story has jumped the shark and become Sex and the Fate of Equestria. I certainly hope I haven't lost anybody, and I do apologize. As I've said before, the naturally-developing path of the overall story has made sex a bit more of a focus in the characters' lives than it's been previously. They had a lot of viewpoints and revelations (and, admittedly, punch lines) about sex that they had to get out of their system, which should mostly clear up and give way to the story's previous, normal climate… at some point.

And, yes, I say "their" system and not "my" system; as I've said before, the last time I was responsible for the events of this story was circa Chapter 12. Ever since then, the characters and the world have been calling the shots. For me, this story is 10% decisions ("this should happen") and 90% realizations ("OMG, this is going to happen!"). Which is the way it should be, I think, as a writer; I'm lucky enough to have one story that works that way. Chapter 117 was a "this should happen": the intent was a single chapter that pushed the limits of what I could get away with. The fact that most chapters since then have been almost as bad just kinda… happened. Hey, I'll have you know that I cut most of the sex jokes out of the story before you ever even saw them. Seriously, you have no idea how many didn't make it to the final version of each chapter.

I always used to think this story's willingness to be real about sex, exhibited since Chapter 1, was its biggest strength, but maybe it's a weakness. Or maybe it's only a weakness in large doses, or maybe the fact that it's recently starting to veer into smutty territory is making it a weakness. I just don't know. You know?

Chapter One Hundred and Thirty-Three

On a stormy landscape of jagged rocks and sparse, scrubby plant matter, Celestia and Luna scanned the ground ahead of them, a dusty ground covered in long, narrow cracks. The occasional burst of hot steam rose out of these cracks, and in the cloudless sky, Celestia's own sun beat down on them mercilessly.

"Celestia?" Luna said casually, her eyes running along a particularly wide crack. "Will I ever be as tall as you?"

Celestia paused and considered, looking Luna over. "Hard to say," she said thoughtfully. "Discord's 'gift' involved us growing and changing forever, or so he said. And since you were stasis for a thousand years, one would assume that you wouldn't be able to catch up to my progress. But according to Song Li, I haven't grown at all since the last time I saw her, a century ago. Whereas you have been growing very quickly; you're several inches taller, it only took you a year to steal my hairstyle, so… yes, it's possible that someday soon you'll be as tall as me."

"I would like that," Luna said brightly. "I miss the days when we were the same height. You diminished me at every turn, but at least I had that. Now that we're equals, it's hard to feel that way when I have to crane my neck and look up at you. You can't know how terrifying it was to first be free of Nightmare Moon, and the first thing I see when I open my eyes is this Great Wall of Celestia coming at me! Although I must say, you didn't look much like yourself. I'm used to you now, but sometimes I remember what you used to look like, and it's a bit of a shock."

"Well, you don't look much like yourself either," said Celestia. "I remember that day, you were exactly as I left you before Nightmare Moon happened, but now? Such drastic changes might mean some pretty extreme growth is in your future."

They paused, having reached a crossroads: a huge canyon wall suddenly rising out of the ground divided their forward course in two possible directions.

"We're on the right track," Celestia said thoughtfully, eyeing the sharp edge where the wall began, and craning her head up at its peak. "The magical energy we detected most certainly passed this way. It appears that the group took one of these paths and then doubled back and took the other, but I can't tell which is which."

Luna shrugged. "I can't disagree with that assessment."

"We should go back and collect the others before we try tracking them further," said Celestia, starting to back away.

"All right," Luna said amiably, as the pair of them turned around and proceeded back the way they came. "How tall are you, exactly?" she added conversationally.

"Hmm? Oh, I'm four-foot-ten, but I can slouch to four-nothing." Celestia hunched her shoulders and lowered her head to demonstrate, drawing a laugh from Luna as they spread their wings.

Celestia and Luna flew for only a few minutes until they reached the edge of this ravaged land. The stone and dust gave way to a hilly but otherwise featureless desert which, barren as it was, seemed substantially more hospitable than the cracked and hazardous area they had been searching. Among the desert hills, Song Li hovered in the air at the crest of a sand dune, while Okapiopteryx paced back and forth anxiously at the same hill's base. Kolassa had concealed herself by burying herself in the sand up to her snout, the remaining three-quarters of her head sticking out of the sand nevertheless taller than most of the dunes.

"Fork in the road, ladies," Celestia reported. "We should all stick together for this."

The others nodded and approached, Kolassa dissolving into swirling sand and then solidifying as she rose to her full height.

"Ah, Kolassa!" Luna said eagerly. "Dear Lady Kolassa! How tall are you?"

Kolassa smirked. "Guess."

"Hrmm…" Luna pondered. "I want to say… two hundred and fifty feet?"

"Nope, 213."

"You're less than 250 feet?" Luna said in surprise. "That can't be right."

"How do you know? You got anypony to compare me to?" Kolassa countered, amused.

"Hmm, true."

The five of them proceeded back into the wasteland, Celestia and Luna leading the way side by side.

"Have you gained any insight as to whom we're pursuing?" Song Li inquired.

"No," said Celestia. "Just the telltale signs of a group carrying a vast amount of magic items."

"What sort of signs are those?" said Song Li. "I know little about magic…"

"When an object has a permanent enchantment on it, it has an aura that lingers in the air," Celestia explained. "Those with magical training can easily detect this aura."

"It's called a dweomer," Luna teased.

"I know," Celestia retorted, sticking her tongue out at her sister.

They had reached the sharp wall again that split the landscape. "Here's where they backtracked," Celestia said.

"Do you propose we split up?" said Luna.

"It is an option," Celestia said with a shrug. "Not one of the better ones. We could pick a path for me to take alone, and if it's the path they didn't take, I can come back and we'll all take the other one. But if it's the path they did take… we can't know for sure until we either find the place where they turned around or we find them."

"Really now, you shouldn't worry," Okapiopteryx said kindly. "We're likely not following our ultimate quarry. If it's not Vorpal Blade, and a visit from you they're paid, they are the ones who'll be sorry."

"I know," Celestia said anxiously. "I know I'm overthinking this. I'm just trying to weigh the likelihood that it's not our targets against the risk that will befall us if it is."

Kolassa gazed over the top of the wall, scanning both sides carefully as she looked into the distance. "I'd be willing to bet they're in a hurry by now," she said grimly. "At this point, they probably know that someone huge is tracking them."

"Hmmmm," Celestia grumbled, scuffing the ground angrily with her hooves. "I don't like this indecision. Well, we're not getting anywhere just standing here. We'll split up."

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Later that night, the many twists and turns in their search had brought Luna, Song Li, and Okapiopteryx to hovering high above a long-dormant volcano, carefully scanning the forested remains of a decades-old eruption.

"Aha," Luna said darkly. "There's something…"

Song Li looked around. "Where is Celestia? She was just here."

Luna whirled wildly; she was nowhere to be seen. "Celestia?" she called.

"Girls?" came Celestia's shaky, nervous response.

They spotted her, attempting to hover in place but inadvertently drifting forward, dozens of feet away. Song Li blasted her way over to Celestia and gently put an arm around her, escorting her back to the group. "Wow," she remarked. "You really can't see in the dark."

"No," Celestia agreed, trembling. "I can't."

Luna gently touched Celestia's face. "Are you all right?"

"Yes," Celestia said, offering Luna a smile in thanks.

"Do you see that?" Luna asked, gently pushing Celestia's head toward a certain spot in the forest.

"Um… no?" Celestia said sheepishly.

"There's a small orange glow out there in the forest," Luna said in satisfaction. "Torchlight. Anypony?" She looked around. "No? All right then, I'll lead the way."

She did so, arm in arm with Celestia, guiding their group to a forest clearing.

The orange glow, as it turned out, was coming from a campfire—one which had been left unattended for hours and was now naught but embers. Gathered around the fire, facing in various directions, were what appeared to be four stone statues.

Luna examined the clearing's earth, taking note of the recently scuffed-up earth, a scattering of hoofprints and deep, birdlike tracks. "Ah," she realized, glancing up at the statues. "There's been a cockatrice about. Several, actually. And here is our quarry! Look at the wealth of magical items they bear…"

Celestia conjured up a bright light at the tip of her horn so she could see, and it was clear; the four ponies' bodies were stone, while their clothing and possessions were not.

"Mm-hmm," she said thoughtfully, circling one of the ponies to get a good look at her. "Who do you suppose they were?"

"Were? They're not dead, sister."

Okapiopteryx laughed bitterly. "What? Are you going to scour, the forest for the cockatrices this hour? Do you somehow expect to persuade them to reverse this effect, without them subjecting us to their power?"

"Not at all, my dear queen," Luna said with a toothy grin. "I'll do it."

She waved her horn, and rings of magic extended outward in a waving motion, slowly turning the four ponies back to flesh. They groaned and shifted, stretching their necks, legs, and wings exhaustedly.

Kolassa was approaching, gently stepping around the trees and starting to loom over the clearing.

A pink-haired black pegasus, with a scar across her eye and a golden-buckled belt around her waist, gazed up at Kolassa with an expression of calm wonder. "I always knew," she whispered. "I always knew that if I was extraordinary enough, the mountains themselves would come after me…"

The other mare in the group, a blue unicorn, gasped and scrambled backward in fear. "By the goddesses, it's… it's…"

"The goddesses?" Rose Belt supplied wryly.

"Yes!" Trixie peeped. After being frozen in fear for another brief moment, she bowed down.

Amused, Belt turned to face Princess Luna. "Sup?" she said casually.

"You should follow your companion's lead, adventurer," Luna said, with a dangerous edge in her honey-sweet tone. "The princess of the night just freed you from your stone prison. Methinks such a thing warrants a bit more than a 'sup'."

"Did you say 'adventurer'?" Celestia said sharply.

"Can't you tell?" Luna said eagerly. "Just look at them."

"Oh my," Celestia breathed, marveling at them. "That certainly brings back memories…"

Belt submitted and gave a minuscule bow of her head. "You have my gratitude, Princess Luna," she said. "My name is Rose Belt. This is my second, Special Snare…"

The tall, thin stallion with the elaborate mustache gave them a respectful bow as well.

"He doesn't talk much," Belt said dismissively. "And this is Flasher Master Bruiser Mate, who… well, normally he never shuts up, but apparently he's been in something of an introspective mood lately."

The pink stallion, with his bushy, multicolored beard and eyebrows and his multitude of gadgets, simply stared.

"Rose Belt, of course," Luna said suddenly. "I remember you now."

"You remember me?" Belt said in surprise.

"Yes. You always pray to me before your dungeon delves."

Belt seemed shaken, even moved. "Well, I… I'm surprised you remember that. You must get millions of prayers."

"Hardly," Luna said wryly. "Though my reputation improves dramatically as time goes on, there are still very, very few ponies in this world who deign to pray to me, and none for such an interesting reason as yours. I can assure you: during each of your tomb-robbing endeavors I was indeed thinking of you and sending good wishes your way."

Belt inhaled solemnly. "I had always hoped," she muttered. "Thank you for your blessings."

"And thank you for your interest, Rose Belt," Luna replied. "It's an honor to have a pony invoke my name. Especially when it's for a reason besides… something to cry out whilst climaxing."

Kolassa burst out laughing, so hard that she had to bend over, propped up by her elbows. "Oh!" she wheezed. "Oh, hahahahaha… oh my gosh, I'm sorry. I thought that was just me." She sighed, but couldn't stop herself from breaking out into laughter again, raising a hoof to wipe her eyes.

Trixie stepped forward, smiling up at Celestia. "Princess Celestia, perhaps you've heard of me? I'm Trixie Lulamoon."

"Hmm," Celestia said thoughtfully. "I don't believe so."

"Oh. …Twilight Sparkle never mentioned me?"

"You know Twilight?" Celestia said with interest.

"Yes, we've had some very significant run-ins," said Trixie, wounded. "Surely she's mentioned me in her letters?"

Celestia shrugged. "I can't say that she has, I'm sorry."

"Oh," Trixie huffed. "Well, never mind then! She thinks Trixie isn't worth talking about? Well then, Trixie won't talk about her either!" She strutted away, sulking at the edge of the clearing.

"You're a bit too late there, Lulamoon," Belt snickered.

"Trixie thought she was a significant figure in Twilight Sparkle's life," Trixie grumbled. "Did I not hold up a mirror to her? Was I not her foil? She can't even mention me in her big important friendship reports?"

Belt blinked. "You okay, Lu?"

"Always it be thus," Trixie said dramatically, aiming her words at the sky and gesticulating wildly with her hooves, "when we who inspire others to greatness are destined to be naught but an historical footnote! Woe is me! WOE IS—'Woe is I'? That sounds more proper. WOE IS I!" She covered her eyes with her forearm in a gesture of finality.

Belt snorted with laughter. "Are you done, then?"

"Yes," Trixie said cheerfully.

"What an eccentric performance," Luna remarked. "Could you excuse us for a moment?"

The four goddesses in the clearing flew off to Kolassa's face, getting into a huddle atop her snout.

"Adventurers, Celestia!" Luna said excitedly. "Do you remember when that was us?"

"I do, but I'm surprised your memories of that time are so fond," Celestia remarked.

"Well, not so much," Luna admitted, "but do you see the potential of what we've discovered here? We should ask them to join forces with us!"

"And what kind of good would that bestow?" Okapiopteryx said derisively. "We are goddesses, didn't you know? Don't make me chortle. What can these mortals do to help us against our foe?"

"What is a goddess, really?" Luna said seriously. "Without ordinary folk behind us, we are nothing."

"It's true," said Kolassa. "As a great stag beetle goes into battle, it might dismiss the idea of recruiting mosquitoes to its cause, but a single mosquito can turn the tide of battle in unknown ways."

"You like your mosquito metaphors, don't you?" Celestia teased.

"Very primal creatures, mosquitoes. They always fascinated me."

Decisively, Luna turned and glided down to the clearing, taking her time. "Miss… Belt," she said, almost seductively. "How would you like… to go on a quest?"

"A quest?" Belt said, perking up. "Well, we're not really doing anything right now. Sure, we'll take a quest."

Celestia landed beside Luna. "How would you like to see a treasure beyond anything the world has ever known?"

Belt grinned. "Very much."

"Well, you're in luck, my dear," Celestia said gravely, spreading her wings as wide as they could go and stepping forward. "As you may know, a foul goddess stalks these lands. On our terms, maybe we can defeat her, but it's her mortal henchponies who are the real trouble, who twist the odds in her favor. She has her champions; will you be ours?"

Belt slowly licked her lips. "What does this have to do with a treasure?"

"One of her lackeys has sent six hundred years collecting treasures from all across the world," Celestia explained. "If we can find his hoard, then by law…" She rose into the air, backlit by a sudden explosion of light. "IT IS YOURS FOR THE TAKING!" she declared in a supernaturally echoing voice.

"Ha!" Belt cackled with a wicked grin. "Can we possibly say 'yes' strongly enough? The adventuring party of Belt, Flasher, Lulamoon, and Snare is yours to command, fair princesses."

"Belt, Flasher, Lulamoon, and Snare?" Trixie repeated in surprised. "I'm not last? Do I have seniority of some sort over…?"

"Alphabetical," Belt said simply.

"Oh, of course. I see."

"Then come, brave mortals!" Celestia said, her voice now normal but still dramatic and booming. "As quickly as we can—we must save our world!"

She glided back to Kolassa with scarcely a movement of her wings, leaving in her wake a rainbow-shaped arc of pure white light. Luna followed.

Three of the adventurers took to the air and, seconds later, dropped back down to Trixie's side.

"We have got to teach you how to fly," Belt said in amusement, tousling Trixie's hair affectionately.

"Heh," Trixie replied with a nervous grin.

Snare and Flasher hooked their arms with Trixie's and beat their wings to lift her into the air. Belt led the way, and the quartet of adventurers settled down on Kolassa's head, among the jagged landscape of her choppy hairstyle.

"Swanky," Belt commented, getting into a sprawled-out, reclined position.

"I never knew you were such a ham, Celestia," Luna commented; the sisters had rejoined the other goddesses on the bridge of Kolassa's nose. "That was pretty impressive."

"It felt good," Celestia admitted. "I don't think I'll ever do it again, though. Do you think they could tell I was blushing?"

"No, I doubt it, it's very dark…"

Celestia nodded. "So… ponies wear out your name in bed, do they?"

"Yes," Luna chuckled.

"What do they say?"

"'Sweet Princess Luna'."

"Well!" Celestia huffed. "With me it's just 'Sweet Celestia'. You get 'Princess' in there too? That's just not fair…"

Kolassa laughed involuntarily once again, then sighed, shaking her head with wonder. "I really thought it was just me. Such an odd… thing." She raised her voice. "All right, you guys up there, this may be a very new sensation for you. While technically, yes, you will be dissolved into a million pieces and those pieces flung across the continent, I can assure you… that it feels exactly like being dissolved into a million pieces and flung across a continent, so brace yourselves. We were chasing a lead that turned out to lead to you, so we're heading back to where we were before we caught that scent…"