Romance and the Fate of Equestria

Chapter Twelve

Rainbow Dash rose into the evening air, high over the heads of the crowd that had gathered. "Fillies and gentlecolts," she announced, "the first—but certainly not last—location for Dash and Gilda's Golden Thread is now open!"

Cheers and applause rippled through the crowd as the doors of the large one-story building flew open. Ponies flooded in, and Gilda flapped around the store showing off the individual products.

"Wingliners!" she said proudly. "Have a weather job to take care of? This product applied to the primary feathers kicks up your speed and provides max cloud-moving power! And with Golden Thread slippers, you can get up and take care of your nighttime business at high speed and without waking your family! And by the same principle, you can rob palces."

"Gilda!" Rainbow admonished.

"I'm kidding," Gilda said. "Right, I should mention to everyone that any crimes committed with Golden Thread shall be avenged by masked vigilantes with their entire bodies coated in Golden Thread and armed with angle grinders. So use Golden Thread for its intended purpose or you die."

"Hey, any possibility you can say 'Golden Thread' more often?" Dash said, smirking. "And who are these cloaked avengers?"

"Us, you dope," Gilda muttered out of the corner of her beak.

"Ohhh…"

Twilight spotted something over the heads of the ponies filing in the door. "Hey, is that…?" She teleported to the back of the crowd, where her brother was waiting for her.

"Shining Armor, when did you get back from your honeymoon?" she asked excitedly.

"Arrived back in Canterlot just an hour ago," he replied. "I wanted to see this big business opening. You seemed excited in your letter, I couldn't miss it."

"Yup, it's revolutionary," Twilight said, nodding. "I'm hoping to use my position within the company to nab a sample of raw materials and figure out what it actually is… while, yes, using it around the house like crazy. How'd you get from Canterlot to here so fast?"

"We flew," Shining Armor said, shrugging. "Cadance carried me."

"Ah, yes, husband carrying," Twilight said dryly. "I think there was a petition a few years back to make that an Iron Pony sport."

"Don't knock it, it changed my life," Shining Armor said, smiling.

"It did?"

"Yeah, I was tired and I wanted to get somewhere, so I said, 'Cadance, will you carry me?' She thought I said something else, and, you know the rest."

"Yeah, still funny, Shining Armor," Cadance said, appearing out of the crowd. Her voice indicated that Shining Armor had made that joke many times before, but her face betrayed that she loved every minute of it.

"Cadance!" Twilight said delightedly. "Sunshine, sun—GAH!" They were interrupted by a few stampeding customers. "Okay, there'll be no secret hoofshake at the business opening. Przewalski…" She looked, amused, at the surrounding masses.

"Ponies are saying Przewalski again?" Cadance asked. "That is so retro."

"Yeah, there's this new alternative rock band from Canterlot called Przewalski," Twilight said. "So, that re-popularized the term. Not their intention, I'm sure." She was drowned out by more scrambling ponies trampling over one another. "You guys wanna get out of here?" she said loudly.

"Yeah, we really should catch up," Cadance said, smiling.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

The three of them made their way to library, where Twilight promptly broke out glasses of champagne.

"So, how was the honeymoon?" Twilight asked. "What did you see?"

"Oh, we just skimmed all the major northern sights," Cadance said cheerfully. "Galloping Gorge, Neighagra Falls. Actual sightseeing was at a minimum 'cause, you know, honeymoon. I won't go into what I did to your brother in various northern cities, but I'll give you a few pro tips when you get married."

"Yay," Twilight said unenthusiastically.

Later, as the three were finishing their second glasses, Twilight asked, "So, Shining Armor, gonna buy some Golden Thread for the Royal Guard?"

"Yeah, I'm completely dishonorable," he said, smirking.

"Hmm?"

"True strength requires discipline, you know that," Shining Armor said, gesturing grandly with his floating glass. "Your invention? It's going to enable ponies to beat the living crap out of each other with no training. Not my soldiers. My soldiers will keep the peace by virtue of their own excellence." He took a triumphant sip.

"I didn't invent it," Twilight said. "I'm just making an obscene amount of money off it. Booyah."

"Well, don't come crying to me when some punks with an overdose of that crap destroy Equestria."

"I won't come crying… but where can I find you after Equestria gets destroyed?" Twilight laughed for a bit too long. When silence finally came, Cadance giggled briefly.

"I don't need your protective thread anyway," Shining Armor said proudly. He held up his left front leg, and conjured an enormous tower shield from nowhere. "Check out this bitchin' shield that Uncle Lance and Auntie Eclipse got me. Made of the finest indestructium ore in Equestria, and painted with the family crest." He traced the outline of the magenta six-pointed star.

"Ooh, fancy," Twilight said.

"Who'd you say it was from?" Cadance asked.

"Uncle Lance and Auntie Eclipse, they're loooooaded," Twilight drawled.

"Can't remember our names worth a damn, but they always come through on the gifts," Shining Armor said smugly, tapping the shield.

"I thought the birthday presents were good," Twilight said. "If that's what they give for wedding gifts, I gotta get hitched before they bite it."

Cadance gave a tiny, hiccupping giggle. "Do you always start talking like an old-fashioned gangster when you're buzzed?"

"Totes McGotes."

Later still, Twilight started filling up everyone's fifth glass. "Met this guy in Canterlot," he said. "Snicker-Snack. Check him out." She conjured up a life-sized illusion of the handsome stallion.

"Whoa," Cadance gaped. "You met that dude?"

"Isn't he hawt?" Twilight said smugly, laughing at her own turn of phrase.

Shining Armor, now sitting on Twilight's couch, stared at the illusion, bewildered. "What's wrong with his eyes?" he demanded.

"They're imbued with pure awesome, that's what's wrong with them," Twilight said simply. "We've been writing back and forth, he's real into elemental defense…"

"Your thesis!" Cadance gasped.

"Yes!" Twilight said, delighted. "He's followed all of my achievements, from my academics right up to the Elements of Harmony. And I'm always angling to read about what he does, with his power to heal the sick, but he just wants to hear about me. I don't want… I don't want to tell him I study romance. But I'll tell ya… something about the way he writes just makes me salivate with anticipation. And I'm sick of the slow progress on the dating thing, man. Next time I see him, I'm gonna jump his bones. Just like that."

Shining Armor leaned back and tapped his front hooves together in mocking applause. "That's my little sister. Way to go!"

"Will you really?" Cadance said suspiciously.

"No, not really," Twilight said. "There's a bunch of little champagne bubbles in my brain, making me say silly stuff. Another bottle?"

It was soon after that Shining Armor started turning down the champagne and drifted off to sleep. "Drink up, me hearties, yo ho," he could be heard mumbling. "And zip a dee do dah…"

In Twilight's bed, she and Cadance set down their ninth glasses.

"I'm so lucky you're my sister," Twilight said wistfully, staring out at the moon.

"No, Twilight, I'm lucky," Cadance said.

"I'm lucky," Twilight insisted.

"I'm lucky."

"I'm lucky."

"I'm lucky, your luck stinks," Cadance retorted.

"Yeah," Twilight submitted.

"Me and Shining Armor are gonna be so happy," Cadance said dreamily. "We have a house, we have a wonderful family of friends, our student loans are paid off…"

"Student loans?" Twilight repeated. "Huh. Fluttershy was talking about those a while back. Is that gonna be a running gag? That's the worst running gag I've ever heard."

"I hope we see each other a lot more often, Twilight," Cadance said.

"Me too," Twilight said. "It's not fair, you know. That you sleep with my brother and he gets to sleep with you, and I… don't."

Cadance blinked, trying to make sense of that through the haze of booze. "Um… just to clarify, does that mean you want to sleep with me, or with your brother?"

"You, of course."

"Just checking…" Cadance muttered. "It's true what they say, isn't it? That unicorns can't hold their liquor."

"Guess so," Twilight said. "So, let's do it, just so we have something to deeply regret later…"

She leaned in. Cadance gently slid her away. "Twilight, I'm never gonna be that blitzed."

"Sure you will. Have a whole bottle."

"No, Twilight," Cadance said. "You have your sights set on Snicker-Snack."

"Yeah, I do," Twilight said smugly.

"And he's gonna… he's gonna rock your body into the night! Whoo!"

"Whoooooo…" Twilight repeated breathily.

"And anyway, I'm an immortal, we technically can't get that drunk…" Cadance mused. "Just a little bit fuzzy-wuzzy, in the brain, and… stuff. Hmm… are you sad, Twilight?"

"Of course I am," Twilight said flippantly. "I just pounded two bottles. I'm gonna feel that in the morning, and that makes me sad."

"Don't worry about it, I'm great with hangovers," Cadance said.

"Yaaay…" Twilight peeped.

"It's my fault anyway, I forgot you guys need to regulate it a bit," Cadance muttered. "But I meant, Twilight, are you sad in your everyday left? I mean, life. Son of a…"

"No, I'm not," Twilight said, snuggling under her covers. "I've never been so fulfilled. Why would I be sad?"

"Oh, no reason," Cadance said. "Sometimes it's hard to get a read on you, that's all."

"Sunshine, sunshine…" Twilight started, before abruptly falling asleep on Cadance's chest.

Cadance touched Twilight with her horn, casting a quick spell. "Sleep well, my beloved sister," she said quietly. "And may you discover everything love has to offer."