Romance and the Fate of Equestria

Agh, it's not even out yet and already Season 5 is crushing my Part Three plans. An episode about the Pie family is planned. Sure, we've known for a while that Octavia and "Inkie" aren't really the same pony, but I had other plans too, man… I had a big Pie family chapter all prepped, and there's no way it'll come out before the Pie family episode does… all my plans… crumbling… crumbling but completely unchanged, of course.

Chapter One Hundred and Twelve

Pinkie Pie danced around the wintry streets of Canterlot, skidding along on ice and burrowing her way comically through banks of snow. She popped her head out of the snow, and her eyes were instantly drawn to a certain pony who was walking down the street. The pony she spotted was a purple mare with a choppy mane striped red and blue and held back by a pink headband; her eyes were a stormy gray, and her cutie mark a golden firefly.

Pinkie gasped and ducked back under the heaping snowbank before bursting out of the side of it and rolling like a wheel across the street to meet up with the mare. "Hey!" she squealed. "You're Syrenity Jossfly, the actress who played Bonny Blu in Cupcakes!"

The actress looked over Pinkie haughtily from behind heavily made-up eyelids. "I know who I am," she said dryly. "And who are you?"

"Yeah, you better know who you are!" Pinkie said cheerfully. "I'm Pinkie Pie."

Syrenity continued walking down the street, and Pinkie hopped along at her side, staring at her expectantly. Syrenity flinched with every hop, and tried hard to ignore her but clearly found it difficult. "Big Cupcakes fan, are you?" she said uneasily.

"Oh, no, not at all," said Pinkie. "I hate that character. She completely ruined my reputation."

Syrenity raised an eyebrow at Pinkie's ecstatic hopping and innocently happy expression. "I can't imagine why," she muttered.

"I've been throwing parties all my life," said Pinkie, her expression and tone darkening despite her bouncing going on uninterrupted. "I've always felt free to be myself, nopony thought to compare me to a slasher villain from an old book series. Then your movie came out, and now every time I talk about partying or making friends or baking snacks, ponies get all uneasy about it. My whole lifestyle's gone out of whack. It really sucks, Syrenity."

Syrenity snorted. "Well, I don't care. Okay? It's not like I connected with this character on a personal level. I just needed the money and the exposure so I could start taking mainstream roles. I'm sure your reputation will come back once the movie is inevitably forgotten. The franchise is sure to fade into obscurity now that I'm being replaced."

Pinkie skidded to a stop. "What do you mean replaced?"

Chuckling bitterly, Syrenity turned around to stare at Pinkie disdainfully. "Don't you keep up with the times? I held a press conference, like, an hour ago, to announce that I won't be reprising the role for the two sequels that are in the works. I'm famous now, so that allowed me to wriggle my way out of the three-film contract. Now I'm free to say that I can't stand the role, I can't stand the fans, and I'm ready to move on to bigger and better things. So don't worry about a thing." She ruffled Pinkie's mane and pounded her on the shoulder before turning and walking away.

"Mainstream?" Pinkie whispered. "Needed the money? Can't stand the fans…? But… but… hang on a minute!" she shrieked.

Syrenity rolled her eyes and looked over her shoulder. "What?"

"I may not like her, but Bonny Blu has been an iconic character in horror literature for over three decades," Pinkie exclaimed. "You can't write her off as… as just another acting job!"

"I do believe I just did," Syrenity chuckled.

"But so many audiences loved the way you captured the character," Pinkie protested. "Nopony likes it when a role is recast—what if they can't find another actress who understands her the way you do? Fans of the books will be let down, fans of the first movie will be let down, you're just letting a lot of ponies down!"

"Oh, please," Syrenity sneered. "You think anypony capable of actually getting the part as what's-her-name even cares about her literary origins? You think any of the nerds who've read the books have the charisma to get the part? Horror films are just a stepping stone to real fame. Everypony knows that. I certainly never cared about the character. I just did what it said in the script and what the pain-in-the-ass director told me. It was like a vacation! Didn't have to do any independent thinking whatsoever."

"But… but you're an actress!" Pinkie stammered.

"I'm a celebrity," she corrected snidely. "If you want the character to have the integrity of being played by an 'actress', maybe you should audition. The search for my replacement, as if that was possible, is going on as we speak."

Pinkie gasped. "You want me to—"

"I want you to stop bugging me," Syrenity grumbled. "And I want my time in the horror genre to get put behind me and forgotten as soon as possible. Whatever I can say to make that happen, I'm saying it! Sheesh." She stormed off.

"That's… that's just not right," Pinkie mumbled, standing alone in the snow.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Octavia mixed a drink on the kitchen island in her penthouse apartment. The apartment was bright and open, mostly white and filled with potted plants and detailed paintings. Five gold records hung on the wall above a huge and fluffy red couch.

The doorbell rang, chiming an elegant piece of classical music on a set of bells. Octavia trotted to the door with interest, and found Pinkie Pie standing there, wide-eyed and breathing heavily.

"Pinkie," she remarked in surprise.

"Octavia, I need an agent," Pinkie jabbered in the span of less than a second.

"A… a what?" Octavia asked, tilting her head.

"A talent agent," Pinkie clarified. "I need an agent for, you know, showbiz! You know, a guy, a showbiz guy, who can… stuff."

"An agent?" Octavia said uncertainly. "Um, sure. I'll get mine, and we'll see what she can do. What's this about?"

"Syrenity Jossfly is a celebrity now, I guess," said Pinkie, imitating Syrenity's snide tone when she had said the same word. "So she's dropped out of the Cupcakes sequels and they're auditioning her replacement." She bit her lip and stared imploringly at her sister. "I've gotta get that part, Octavia."

Octavia frowned and stepped aside, gesturing for Pinkie to enter the apartment. "You want to play the murderer in Cupcakes? You hate that movie."

"I do," Pinkie agreed, strolling in slowly. "But… I can't let thousands, maybe millions, of horror fans be disappointed. Ponies are always saying how much the character acts like me, so, I think if they got me as a replacement… they wouldn't be disappointed." She stared off into space. "If I could make ponies excited and pumped-up on a global scale… get their hearts pounding… you know, that's what I live for. To create smiles and excitement. To make everypony I meet feel appreciated and welcomed. This opportunity is just crying out to me."

Octavia blinked slowly. "This is… this is highly unexpected."

"I need to do this," Pinkie said anxiously, scratching her front leg with her other hoof. "I need to at least try. I get the way Bonny Blu thinks: the way she sees everything as a party. She's a murderer, but in her mind, she's the same as me. I know I could step inside her head, to make her convincingly do or say anything, if I could just be given a chance to try out for the part."

Octavia started to speak, but Pinkie rapidly cut her off. "By the way, before you say anything else, I realized on my way over here how uncool it is that this is the first time I've ever visited you at home and it's to ask you a favor, so I bought us some popcorn." She held up a bag. "Let me make it, and we'll hang out for a couple hours before my friends and I head back to Ponyville, okay?" She rushed to Octavia's kitchen and started pouring the corn into a pot.

"Well, Pinkie Pie," Octavia said thoughtfully, "this is a pretty big thing you're trying to accomplish, but I'm your sister and I support you absolutely in whatever pursuit you're after, and whatever path you choose to take; whatever goal you strive for."

Pinkie looked up from the stove top. "Well, come on, it's just popcorn."

Octavia snorted with laughter. "That's not exactly what I meant, but you knew that. You know, I don't think there's any need for an agent. As it happens, the director of Cupcakes, who is in fact doing the sequels, he's a very good friend of mine."

"He is?" Pinkie said eagerly.

"Yes, we used to date," said Octavia. "Well, not 'date' so much as… we used to sleep together. …Actually, on occasion we still sleep together. …So we didn't 'used to' do anything. We still have the same relationship we've always had."

"Wow," Pinkie said in surprise. "That's kinda sordid for you."

"Pinkie, I'm a musician," Octavia laughed. "We all have completely insane personal lives. Do you remember at the Gala two years ago, when you asked me to make my band play the Pony Pokey, and I did it? Why do you suppose I did that?"

"Because we're sisters?" Pinkie said hopefully.

"Nope, cocaine," Octavia said brightly.

"Oh, wow," Pinkie gasped.

"Yes," Octavia chuckled. "I'd been rehearsing all day, and the Gala was going to go on well into the night, and I happened to mention that I needed a little boost to get me going… I was going for a cup of coffee, but then somepony unexpectedly slapped all this cocaine into my face and, well, it certainly kept me awake."

"Huh," Pinkie said blankly.

Octavia chuckled again, more nervously. "It was just that one night and completely against my will, I assure you, and I've been very meticulous about never getting anywhere near cocaine ever since then. But fair warning, if you really do intend to start headlining your own horror franchise, you should know you can't be in show business for very long without encountering cocaine at some point."

She made her way to the kitchen and leaned against the counter. "Anyway, yes, the director has been talking to me about his plans for the second and third Cupcakes films… and I'm fairly certain he caught your performance as Chancellor Puddinghead last year. If I mentioned to him that you're interested in the role, and happened to slip in that you're my sister, I would bet that no audition will be necessary. I think a cursory table-read, just as a formality, would be all that was required to get you the part."

"Really?" Pinkie gasped.

"Really."

Pinkie jumped on her and hugged her tightly. "I have the best sister ever!"

Octavia laughed and hugged her back. "If being in the right place at the right time qualifies a pony as the 'best sister ever', then fine, I'm the best sister ever. It's… an awesome responsibility. I'll talk to my friend, then. And I'll let you know what he says."

Shortly thereafter, the two of them sat on the couch, watching the snow fall outside and each with a bowl of popcorn.

"So!" Octavia said sharply. "You are still planning to join me in reconnecting with our family, right?"

"Yeah, I guess," Pinkie grumbled.

"I'm getting this set up for your own good," Octavia laughed, shoving her playfully. "Don't you dare back out on me."

"I won't, Octavia," Pinkie whispered.

"Good, good," said Octavia, pulling her into a hug. "The Pie family will rise again in a most glorious way."

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Endnotes

Last time I came back from a hiatus, I brought in an endnote that talked about something that bugs me… I don't want to set a precedent for that, but there's another something that's been on my mind. Namely, people who ask for a certain amount of reviews before they update the story. And worse: that sometimes, they actually get it. I tried that once… once. Eight years into being a fanfiction writer, I know by now that such a plan won't ever work for me.

Does remind me of something I used to do back at the beginning of my ficcing days. Back in 2006, in the early days of the Cars fandom, I was SuperLobsterBoy, one of the defining authors of the category… don't bother looking me up, I deleted everything on that profile shortly after I started this story. I regret having done that now…

Anyway, on my signature story, I had a little tactic for every time I felt the story was under-reviewed. I posted what I called "disappointing chapters"… but eventually changed to "WTF chapters", because that's how the readers reacted. The chapters were a single sentence, and often a rather uninformative one, such as "McQueen's night was spent sleeping", or "McQueen had a sandwich". The readers hated them. And yet, every single WTF chapter invariably ended up being the most-reviewed chapter of the entire story up to that point. The first one had 5, another had 7, more and more each time. So hated or not, they were successful, so I kept doing 'em until… well, until the time I told the readers I wouldn't update until the current chapter got ten reviews. I never updated.

I bring it up because I'm seriously considering taking some of those routes again with my current material, either refusing to proceed until I get enough reviews, or doing WTF chapters. Have one-sentence chapters always been in violation of the story guidelines? I don't remember that from the old days. Ah, well, we all know what Captain Barbossa said about "guidelines"…