School Daze

by Paleo Prints

Chapter 1: Don't You Forget About Me

The slow squeaking of the closing door reverberated through the oppressive office atmosphere. Principal Prunecrop of the Canterlot Education Council closed his door with exaggerated gentleness while repressed frustration gleamed from his eyes. Cheerilee reflected on her recent lesson on metaphors; the door and her career were a pretty good match right now.

The fuchsia earth mare tried to retract her hooves into her body as Prunecrop slowly trotted behind his desk. She forgave him his pace due his advanced years. Her optimistic outlook blinded her at times; she would never realize that he carefully measured every step to draw out the tension. Prunecrop would remember her quivering with fondness and lukewarm soup for many weeks.

"So, Ms. Cheerilee," the graying stallion began, magically adjusting his glasses. "How have your lessons been going? Did the field trip go well?"

She squirmed inwardly. Straight to the point, as always. Spin it with that positive flair; he loves to be complemented.

"It was a wonderful gift of your resources, sir. All of us in Ponyville are grateful for the bits the Council sends our way. The parents were overjoyed that we could walk the full Canterlot Monument Lane Trotting Tour."

That's right. Show him how much I've touched the lives of the pupils. It's just another annual review to ace, frame, and hang on the wall.

"Hmm. I have seen the effect you've had on your…what is it, nine students?" He grinned like a hydra visiting a Home for Gullible Fillies with a cart of barbeque sauce. The trap was sprung.

"That is what I do, sir. My cutie mark is three flowers of inspiration. Nurturing is my skill."

He furrowed his brow. "Fascinating. By the by, my mark is a pair of garden shears." Cheerilee gulped.

His chartreuse horn glowed while it levitated a bundle of scrolls, spilling them out dramatically onto the desk. The metal scroll tubes rung out with a sound Prunecrop thought sounded like a cheerful chorus singing "doom."

"So, let's see the effect your inspiration has had on our treasury." He began opening tubes and unwrapping scrolls in succession, reading off with growing glee. Great, he's going to mention the bake sale, Cheerilee thought with enthusiasm.

"Well, we owe the Museum of History 4,322 bits for the incident hereafter referred to as the 'Cutie Mark Crusaders Siege Engineers.' That dovetailed quite nicely into the Cutie Mark Crusaders Painting Restorers fiasco, a ringing tall of 8,999 bits regarding the Mona Appaloosa, not counting the repair for the now-repaired Venus De Mallorquin."

She grimaced nervously. "Little Applebloom had apparently spent hours in the library researching the Venus to get the 'replacement' arms right. It's a remarkable amount of work for a farm filly."

This is too easy, Prunecrop thought. Either she's that blindly optimistic or she's actually throwing herself upon her plow willingly.

"And that would be wonderful, Ms. Cheerilee, if she had been earning the five thousand bits per hour that would have been necessary to fix her fixing. This is, of course, not counting the debacle at the Philhorsemonic involving the 'Cutie Mark Crusaders Cello Players."

I can still pull out a win, she thought. Think of all the plays you love from the 1080's, like 'Fast Times at Ridemount High.' You grew up on this, Cheerilee! I'll get him to care and break down his resolve. Hay, this would end with a musical number and a frozen high-hoof-five. She smiled. I never understood why they bothered magically freezing those brohoofs onstage. It was rad, though.

"You can see how much they care, Mr. Prunecrop! I have students from many diverse backgrounds who've found a common purpose, whether its Snips and Snails' magic club or Sliver Spoon's yearbook team. They're all so very motivated to be more than just small town kids. They are BANGIN', sir," she proclaimed as her inner glam hair pony began to claw to the surface.

His nonplussed look spoke volumes.

"Well, we do have some insurance. We are talking about Ponyville, after all. Your little hamlet is renowned for collateral damage. As long as the last report isn't too bad, we might be able to forget this." His grin did an accurate shark impersonation.

This is IT. We can do it, girl! Cheerilee was certain that whatever damage was left over, she had set his heart aflame. She could hear the sounds of a classic guitar solo from the Ramanes already in her head. We'll have a 'Trot & Roll High School-style ending after all!

"So, let's look at that last report. One final tally and we're done here. You could canter back to your little wrecking crew and train them in the arts of well-researched property damage. Let's see, where was it from?"

He savored the way her hope almost audibly shattered at the next four words.

"The Canterlot Statue Gardens."

Cheerilee's retro-daydreams instantly ceased as all motion and conversation stopped.

His horn flared with joy as he floated the abacus directly between himself and the now-heartbroken teacher. "We'll start with the psychological damage lawsuits and work our way to agricultural damages. This may take a while."

---

"Of course, it's 'that bad,' Twilight. My students released the Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony! "

The purple unicorn gave a nervous grin as she searched her brain for some tactic that could cheer up her downtrodden teacher friend. She had spent the last few hours helping Cheerilee pack, and no beam of sunshine had been able to penetrate the schoolmare's mental cloud. Surely her beloved logic was worth a try, she thought.

"I cast a maximized and extended restoration spell heightened by the Elements of Harmony. How could anything be possibly

wrong after that?"

Cheerilee smiled.

"Okay, you get an "A+" for immediate town clean up. But Diamond Tiara's parents are suing the school after chain-smoking penguins used her as a piñata. I'm just glad she's fine. That's more than can be said by the carrot family's croplands, soaking in chocolate syrup. Celestia, even the Canterlot observatory is reporting damages since the increased day/night rotation ruined observations of Ingram's comet they spent months preparing for."

Cheerilee started pawing the ground, regretfully. "They were actually going to present their findings to the class. Not much chance of that now. I'm a liability to the district, Twi. Even if I'm not ruined in education, I'll never work in Ponyville again."

As Twilight moved among the crowded shelves of classroom supplies, planters, and demonstration equipment she started to feel her friend's depression. Twilight calculated that the volume of classroom equipment here easily exceed the volume of the schoolhouse. No wonder her friend pulled a cart to school every day.

Cheerilee's house was a seemingly random array of materials; one shelf was an organized array of Canterlot Campus teaching textbooks; below it were dated and labeled jars of eggs soaking in vinegar keeping company with a beaker filled with repulsively orange mold. It was labeled 'Snip's Science Fair Project."' The beaker gave off a unique but not enticing aroma. Leaning against it was an Abraham Lincolt hat made of felt and macaroni. The shelf beneath had a stack of impressively labeled forms using a Charles Darwhinny doll figure as a paperweight. His clothes had mysterious acid burns.

And I thought I was disorganized. Then again, she always seems to find things. A disturbing thought trickled into her head as she called out to Cheerilee.

"Cheeri, humor me. You're an earth pony, correct?"

Her friend looked confused, momentarily distracted from sorting insect toys and building blocks.

"I thought you were Celestia's best student, Twi. What's your point?"

Twilight voiced her fears slowly and carefully.

"You brought these science fair projects from the schoolhouse, right?"

Cheerilee nodded, organizing an array of Equestrian Geographic maps into her pack. "The Kingdom Science Fair rules only allow mold projects if grown in a house away from children, and Snips was so excited about his I had to bring it home." She suddenly stopped packing, and cast her eyes downwards. "He was supposed to get it back next class. I'll have to put it with the stack of things to go to the next teacher."

There's one more hope. "So you threw it in your teacher cart for the trek home?"

"Nope. Cart was full of Solar System to grade. I couldn't risk it spilling out all over the asteroids."

Twilight was stunned by the implication.

"You carried THAT home…with your MOUTH?"

Cheerilee shrugged as she went back to work.

"It was that, or be stuck with a third one of Snips' volcano models in a row. He was finally paying attention in science; I had to help." The fuchsia pony continued working, not seeming to notice or understand Twilight's expression of shock and disgust.

Like I always say, Twilight considered. Everypony. This Town. CRAZY.

Watching Cheerilee pack her possessions into her saddlebags was heartbreaking. The teacher paused after every shelf, becoming more visibly upset as she contemplated the rows of scavenged and donated school supplies that would go unused. Worse, Twilight thought the entire thing was totally unnecessary. She had to act fast to buoy her friend's spirits, and thus fell back unto her old standard; vocabulary.

"So your freakishly focused fillies freed the phantasm of frantic fear and furor. You do so much for this town for a single mistaken monster medley of misrule and madness to end everything. It's just one incident."

Cheerilee sighed with a reluctant smile fighting to the front of her face and leaned against one of her homemade bookshelves. She tried to recapture her mood by glancing around at the multitude of blooming plants hanging from the ceiling of her home. It didn't work. She could only think of how she'd have to replant or abandon her 'babies' as she trotted out of her hometown.

"Twi, I appreciate the wordplay. I'd love to think that I made such a good impression on the town, but the truth is I failed. I admit, the kids do love me. I'm the only earthbound adult Scootaloo listens to without an automatic eye roll. Getting their love doesn't work if can't reign them in. My discipline style didn't work at all."

Twilight reclined on her haunches, taking in a large breath of her friend's earthy smelling house. Briefly reminding herself not to sit on the worm composting bin, the depressed librarian racked her brain for ways to help. She made a promise to herself; she WOULD solve this friendship problem.

"There must be some way we can work this. Why not take it to the parents? They see all the effort you put in. Look at all the work you grade at home, Cheerilee. There's as much paper out her as I have at home, and I live in a library! "

Cheerilee reflected on the families she had met in her few years teaching. "I'm afraid even a good reputation can't pay this bill. You saw the tally." Twilight backpedaled as a suddenly animated earth pony met her almost nose-to-nose. "Do you know how long they suspend a teacher for this level of damages?" Her pale green eyes quivered with apprehension as she pushed forward into contact with Twilight. "FOREVER. I'll never work in Ponyville again. They'll send me to the frontier, or move me to an inner-stable school where kids carry pies to class. Maybe they'll build an inner-stable school in the frontier just for me."

The purple unicorn melted under the intense stare of her friend. Tears run down her lavender cheeks.

"You can't leave. Nopony else understands all the words I use," she said. "NOPONY."

Suddenly small scaled feet kicked open the door. "I got your smelly dirty plant tools!"

Spike had chosen that moment to walk in, carrying a bundle of gardening equipment from the shed out back. Whistling and bobbing his head to the sounds of the classic 80's K-Colt subsidiary station that perennially filled the house, he dropped everything as he saw the two touching mares.

"Wow. Is this, like, Lyra and Bon-Bon stuff?"

Twilight suddenly turned a mortified shade of magenta. Cheerilee only smiled, her experience with young children preventing her embarrassment.

"Spike," she started. "If we said yes, would you really have any idea what that would actually entail?"

The baby dragon scratched his head. "Um….no." He looked hopeful for a long-awaited explanation to start.

The teacher pony walked over to Spike and gently nuzzled his forehead. "Oh, Spike. You act so mature sometimes I forget how young you really are. I really should have brought you to class."

The now red-cheeked dragon pup found himself wordless as Twilight rolled her eyes. Celestia, if she stayed she could give Rarity some competition .She suddenly swallowed as she realized she had admitted to herself the inevitability of her friend's departure.

They packed without further talking, letting the coarse tones of Coatorhead and the soulful voice of Rick Ambley fill the room. The joy of Cheerilee's childhood heroes quickly faded at the next station break.

"That's right, Equestria. You've been Rick Roaned! This is K-Colt, and you're listening to a concert of classic colts and cool covers. This one goes out to whoever let those freaky fillies rampage through the Philhorsemonic this week. A friend of mine was there, and her instrument got some battle scars in that mosh pit. This one's for you, oh Unknown Schoolmare, 'cause you're CRAZY!"

A maniacal voice shouted 'All Aboard!' as the sounds of "Crazy Mane" filled the house. Watching Cheerilee fight back tears, Twilight turned off the radio. Cheerilee stood still almost completely still for a few seconds. She trotted over to the door at the sounds of an erratic knock.

She was greeted by the sight of a pair of crossed eyes, but not the familiar ones she normally expected. A light-violet mare with chaotic hair and a spinning green beanie was smiling in a disconcerting way.

"Me not happy to see you! You set loose nice dragon-horse that not make Screwball. You have nothing to do with me being here. Me hate you forever! Me came SO far to not see you. " The oddly-speaking pony began playing with her lips in an absentminded manner, then suddenly spread her hooves wildly and threw back her head. "We'll NEVER be friends!"

Cheerilee stared blankly out as her mind grappled with the barrage of bizarre babble. She started to choke up as she slowly closed the door. The violet mare cocked her head and frowned.

"Me…understand," she whispered as she walked away.

So much for the goodwill of the townsfolk, Cheerilee lamented. That was the first of the angry mob.

"Twi, I'm calling it for the night. Even an earth pony can only carry so much weight at once."

---

Twilight paused as Spike followed her down the darkened Ponyville street. She looked back at Cheerilee's house with eyes of worry. They narrowed into slits filled with determination as she saw the imperfect scarecrow planted in the front rows of her friend's garden, a gift of the Cutie Mark Crusaders to their teacher. The stuffed pony effigy angled to the side, Applebloom's half attached asymmetrically to Sweetie Belle's stitched monstrosity. The unicorn had stitched the phrase 'Besst Teechur' across the front, and an irrepressible young pegasus had added a design of her teacher skateboarding with a guitar-sword in her mouth just below.

"Spike, let's hurry home. I need you to take a letter. There's one more ally to assist our avenue of assault, assistant."

---

Cheerilee rested on her bed, hooves tightly tucked underneath with tension. She smiled wanly as she looked for the last time of her collection of teacher's books and materials. With the amount of bits she had spent on her classroom she would ironically be unable to afford moving into a home big enough to hold them. She was sure she could pass them along to someone who could use them. The thought took her back mentally to her first day of teaching.

"Be careful with those supplies, Cheerilee. We get beakers replaced annually, not weekly. Watch your head!"

Cheerilee quickly dodged to the left, letting the glassware miss her completely as it met a loud reunion with gravity. "I'm sorry Miss Sharpener. I have no idea how earth ponies are supposed to handle shelves like this. Do we even need all of this stuff for teaching?"

The middle-aged yellow teacher smiled nostalgically at her frizzled-haired replacement. "If we're talking unnecessary things, I'd love to address your wardrobe. It reminds me of your old school play dandelion costume. No, my dear, I'm afraid you DO need all of this 'stuff.'"

As she walked past the new schoolmare to her desk, Cheerilee reached nervously for one of the blue lightning bolts that hung from her ears. Maybe these should go in the jewelry box. They'll definitely distract a parent at a conference. She took in a deep breath. There's always weekends.

The young New Wave pony can back to reality while watching the older pony. Sharpener was contentedly admiring a framed stack of awards. As she placed the topmost one in her cart, Cheerilee saw it was written in misspelled crayon.

"We need to use everything we can in every way we can, Miss. There's a way to reach every student if you can find it, and it may be in the last place you'd look."

An unexpected knock on her door woke her from her reverie. Cheerilee paced to the door slowly. After all, she thought, for once I can sleep in on a weekday. As she opened the door, she sagged in the doorway as Twilight met her gaze.

"Twi, I said I was done for the night." She tried to lie, poorly. "I was asleep."

The librarian smirked. "Cheerilee, you're the only pony I know with a worse sleeping schedule than mine, and I know Pinkie Pie. I didn't come to talk. I brought someone else to do the talking."

Twilight stepped out of the way as a regal figure stepped out of the darkness. Cheerilee gasped as she recognized the flowing hair of starlight crowning a horn as dark as the night. The schoolmare was stunned; a whisper could have knocked her over.

Thus, she was totally unprepared for the booming Canterlot Royal Voice, which suddenly greeted her. "FAIR EDUCATOR, WE WOULD PRESENT AN OPPORTUNITY FOR THEE."

Twilight face-hooved as her friend fainted dead away. Princess Luna nervously met the gaze from the unicorn's uncovered eye.

"Um…old habits die hard?"