Dear Diary,

Ugh. I can’t believe I’m really doing this! I mean, what kind of high schooler keeps a diary? That stupid family counselor doesn’t know what the heck he’s talking about. What was even the point of writing down my feelings if no one was going to read it? That’s just a waste of paper. I should just shove this stupid dumb book under my bed and never think about it again.

But, then again, it would be a shame to let this thing go to waste, even if it is dumb. Daddy spent a lot of time picking it out, and he even had it personalized for me. The book has gemstones down its spine, my name laser-etched in the cover, and even had a shining, glistening garnet embedded in the back (my birthstone). Even though I think it’s stupid and a huge waste of my valuable time, I don’t want him to think I don’t appreciate him. So, here goes nothing, I guess…

What do you even talk about in a diary?! All of my “inner thoughts” or whatevs is on Twitter and Instagram. What’s even the point of these things? Talk about my first day in high school? It was boring, just like you’d expect from a stupid hick school in a stupid hick town. I hate CHS. I wish Daddy would’ve let Mother enroll me in Crystal Prep. Probably the only thing my mother and I agree on…

But, I guess it’s not too bad. Silver Spoon decided to go here after all. Last time I spoke to her was over the summer, and she was still deciding whether she wanted to go to Canterlot High or Crystal Prep. Luckily, she decided to go to CHS. I don’t know what I would’ve done if I had to go through this awful school without my only best friend by my side.

My classes are awful, just like I thought. They’re dumb and boring and I hate them. The worst is English: Stupid Ms. Cheerilee does assigned seats, and she sat me next to APPLEBLOOM AND HER STUPID FRIENDS!!! I had to sit near those losers for like an hour! It was the worst experience of my life! At least Silver Spoon was around so I didn’t have to suffer alone.

I hate that stupid farmgirl. She’s so… nice. Even though we hate each other, she keeps trying to talk to me. She said it’s her Southern roots, something about her “ma and pa” teaching her about good manners. It’s so annoying! Doesn't she know that we're supposed to fight instead of talk? What does she think mortal enemies are?!

Anyway, that was the first day of school. One down, probably a million to go.

Dear Diary,

This past month and a half have been so hectic, I couldn't have written in this stupid book even if I wanted to. I could go on and write a whole essay about Sunset Shimmer, some senior or something that went totally nuts and turned into a literal demon. A bunch of girls shot her with lasers and then I think they ended up all hanging out? It was crazy, and I don't really want to think about that if I don't really have to..

The Formal itself was pretty fun, though. I didn’t have a date, but I liked it like that. None of these stupid boys are good enough for me. Until I find someone who deserves a princess like me, I'm going to stick with hanging out with Spoon.

What I wasn’t okay with was those dumb Crusaders! They got more attention than I did at the party just because their stupid sisters were the ones who blew up Demon Shimmer! Like, congrats, you’re related to the weird magic pony girls who saved this crappy school, big whoop. Nobody even noticed how nice my dress was. I might as well have stayed home!

Nobody even asked Applebloom to the dance. Sweetie Belle is kinda pretty, I guess, and there are some crazy guys who are into Scootaloo’s tomboy thing, so those two got asked out. The idiots said no, though, because Applebloom didn’t have a date. The Crusaders would rather be total loner losers at the biggest dance of the school year than leave their friend alone for one night. I just don’t get them. If Spoon wanted to go to the dance without me, I’d let her. Not that she’d ever want to. No dance is worth going to if I’m not there.

Applebloom invited me and Spoon to hang out with her at her stupid barn. I said no, duh. You couldn’t pay me to stand within twenty feet of her gross, stinky farm. I don’t even know why she invited me. She must have known I’d say no. So why even bother asking?

I wonder what it was like, though? Like, what could be so interesting or fun that people would willingly hike out to the boonies to hang out in that barn she lives in? Not that I’m interested in hanging out with her or anything. It just makes me wonder what would make people do something that crazy.

I’m writing in this stupid book way too much. Don’t expect to hear from me for a couple of weeks (who am I even talking to? I hate this diary!)

I know yesterday I said it’d be weeks but Dear stupid Diary,

MISS CHEERILEE IS THE WORST AND I HATE HER!!!!

We started our new unit and we’re doing reading partners to get through Gulliver’s Travels without losing our minds, and she decides that, this time, she’s going to toss us into pairs at random! I crossed my fingers and hoped, prayed that I’d get paired with Silver Spoon, and… I did. The only problem was…

SILVER SPOON WASN’T HERE TODAY!!!!!

Instead of letting me get to work by myself, Cheerilee decided to give me a new partner! She asked the class who didn’t have a partner yet and I could feel my stomach turn when none other but that lame, uncool, dorky bumpkin Applebloom raised her hand. So, for the next month and a half, I’m stuck working with my archnemesis! What did I ever do to deserve something like this?

Somehow, it was even worse than I thought it’d be! She reads sooooooo slow! And I can barely understand what she’s saying with her hick southern accent. As if this book wasn’t hard enough to comprehend on account of being written in the year 9, now I’ve got to listen to it as read by Huckleberry Finn! It’s so obnoxious. When class was done, she asked me if I wanted to sit with her and her friends at lunch, since Spoon wasn’t here. How pathetic does she think I am?! Like, just because my best friend isn’t here today doesn’t mean I need some kind of friendship charity. I could hang out with my other friends, if I wanted.

I mean, I didn’t, not today. I just didn’t feel like talking to anyone. Listening to Bloom for an hour straight gave me a headache, and I just wanted to sit and eat my lunch quietly. But I couldn’t, duh, because those Crusaders would think that Silver Spoon was my only friend and that I secretly wanted to hang out with them or something. So instead of going to the cafeteria, I spent all of lunch in the library reading Gulliver’s Travels. The way I see it, the sooner I finish reading the thing, the sooner I can stop talking to Applebloom.

I wonder if I can pay Applebloom to leave me alone? I’d rather do the whole unit by myself than interact with her anymore than I already do. I’ll need to ask Daddy for an advance on my allowance…

Dear Diary,

Well, that was a bust. Applebloom wouldn’t take the money, and she actually got really upset that I even asked. At first, I thought she felt that I was lowballing her on my offer ($50 to sit back and do nothing is a pretty good deal if you ask me), but that turned out not to be the problem. She made a huge fuss about the fact that I didn’t want her share. I guess she thought that I was calling her lazy? I told her that, if she would’ve just learned to read, I wouldn’t have to make a deal with her, and then she went off! She started shouting about how she “ain’t no dummy” and that I needed to “learn some respect ‘fore someone comes and teaches” me.

It was weird, because I call her dumb all the time and she never really seemed bothered by it. Sure, she was annoyed, but never angry. I don’t know what came over her. Not that I cared. She can be mad if she wants, it doesn’t make a difference to me. It was just irritating that I had to deal with her while she threw her temper tantrum over a little bit of name-calling. I ended up apologizing, but only because Cheerilee made me. Did I mention that I hate her yet? Cause I do. She’s the worst.

How is this school year not even halfway done with yet?

Dear Diary,

So… I might have done something less than stellar. You remember last week, when I yelled at Applebloom for not being able to read? Of course you do, you’re a book. Geez, I must be going crazy from hanging around with those Crusaders…

Anyway, I thought it was weird that she blew her gasket like that, so I asked around about it, and that meant I had to spend time talking to her friends. Blegh. Scootaloo couldn’t get over it, so she just ignored me the whole time I tried to talk to her. It was like talking to a brick wall. An incredibly tacky, lame, pathetic brick wall. Sweetie Belle was a bit more helpful. Out of the three, I always liked her best hated her the least. I bet if I would’ve met her first, she would’ve been friends with me over Scootaloo and Applebloom.

So, I asked her why Applebloom got so pissy about it, and she explained it to me. First, she made me promise not to tell anyone, so I knew it must’ve been something serious. Applebloom isn’t the type of person to have secrets, so I was really curious. What kind of dirt could a perfect little Southern belle possibly have?

As it turns out, Applebloom is really sensitive about her reading because she’s dyslexic. I don’t know why, but I actually felt really bad about it. Me teasing Applebloom is nothing new, but this one felt really bad. I guess I crossed some sort of line? But why do I care? If Applebloom can’t handle getting her feelings hurt, maybe she needs homeschooling or something. Besides, I always made fun of her. It was how our friendship relationship synergy worked.

Still, I’ve never seen her that angry before. Maybe I should apologize… Ugh. This stupid diary must be making me soft or something.

Dear Diary,

I’ve been thinking about how to say sorry to Applebloom, and it’s not easy. Everything she likes is lame and she hates anything worth buying. She doesn’t like jewelry, so my go-to is out the window. With her, everything has to be sentimental, which doesn’t make any sense. Real presents don’t “come from the heart”. They come from the wallet. But there’s no point in getting her something she doesn’t like, that’s a waste of money (not that I need to worry about that, I’m loaded!)

While I was writing this out, I asked Mother what she thought. That was a mistake. She told me never to apologize for anything, because it showed weakness. She actually made Applebloom out to be the bad guy here. She almost called the school to complain that another student was holding me back in my academics. It took me twenty minutes to convince her that it’d be a waste of her time, that the struggle would build my character. You know, the BS that she normally pukes out onto me. Wait, hold on, nobody is going to read this, so I can’t get in trouble for swearing.

BULLSHIT!!!

Heheh. Anyway, after I asked Mother, I did what I should’ve done from the start. I asked Daddy. He gave me the usual lecture: He was disappointed in me, he knows I’m not a bad girl, he just wishes I could get along with my classmates. I’ve been trying to explain to him that hating everyone you come across was part of the high school experience, but he’s just not getting it.

He gave me a pretty good suggestion, though. He said that, since Applebloom didn’t really care about the gift itself, I should offer her something with a message behind it. Extend an olive branch, he said. So, I swallowed my pride (and the incoming vomit) and used my old Girl Scout know-how to make some friendship bracelets. It took me a few hours to get it just right, but I eventually managed to come out with a really nice looking design. Who knew that lavender and gold went so well together?

I had some yarn leftover from the bracelets I made for me and Applebloom, so I decided to cobble two together for her friends. Just so they wouldn’t feel left out. There’s weren’t quite as well-made as Applebloom’s (duh, I’m not apologizing to them for anything), but they still looked pretty okay. Of course they did, just look at who made them! Everything I do is at least incredible!

I better get some sleep if I want to track those three losers down to give them their gifts before school starts. God only knows how humiliating it’d be to have to apologize in front of our entire English class.

Dear Diary,

I gave Applebloom and her friends their bracelets today, and it went pretty well. Scootaloo just shoved it in her pocket as if she didn’t really care (which, let’s face it, she probably didn’t. She doesn’t care much about anything). Sweetie Belle looked confused, but she ended up wearing it the rest of the day. Probably just to be polite, though. I doubt I’ll see it on her wrist come tomorrow. Applebloom, though. She loved it. She even hugged me, promising that it was water under the bridge. She invited me to lunch and, since Spoon was still absent (she’s got strep throat), I basically had no choice but to accept.

If I have to be totally honest, it wasn’t that bad. It was awkward at first, but we ended up sharing decent conversation. It’s not like we’re strangers or anything. We’ve all known each other since the second grade, and, even though we’ve hated each other ever since, we were still familiar with each other. And, despite how Scootaloo might look, we’re are all teenage girls, and the one thing teenage girls love more than anything else is gossip. Luckily for the Crusaders, I’m the Queen of Gossip.

I shared my wealth of knowledge on who was going out with who and how Twist totally has a crush on Snails, who’s too stupid to realize. Applebloom sort of chuckled at that. I guess she and Twist are friends? I guess everyone “friends down” to someone. Talking about dates eventually turned into a conversation about the Halloween Ball. It’s only, like, three weeks from now, and I don’t have a date yet. I asked them if they all had boys ask them yet (just to talk about something. I assure you, I don’t even kind of care), and they gave me some strange looks. They kept glancing at Applebloom, and their answers were weird and roundabout.

Not that it’s worth speculation, but I wonder what their deal was. Maybe they were afraid of me stealing their dates? Not that I blame them. I’m easily the hottest freshman at CHS, and I’m definitely in the top twenty in the entire school. I’d be afraid if I was them, too. I could nab any boy if I wanted.

That reminds me, I need to start looking at dresses…

Dear Diary,

Today was… Weird.

First of all, Rumble asked me to the Halloween Ball. That came out of literally nowhere. I didn’t even know that Rumble knew who I was, let alone wanted to take me to the dance. He was cool, popular, and definitely good-looking. So, duh, obviously I want to go to the dance with him.

I said no, and I still don’t really know why.

It’s like… Something felt wrong when he asked me. I want dating me to be special and the more people to pull something off, the less special it is. So, if I’m going to go out with someone, I’m going to make sure I really like them. But, with Rumble, I’m not so sure. Something just felt off. So I turned him down. I’ve still got two weeks to go to find a date, though, so I’m sure to find a boy that I want to go with. I just have to be careful who I choose.

I brought it up to Applebloom during lunch (we’re falling behind on our reading, so we needed to catch up) and she said that I shouldn’t settle for anything but the best. Duh! I already knew that, obviously. Still, it was kind of nice hearing her say it. Just because I don’t need her validation doesn’t mean it’s not nice to hear it. I tried to get more information on her date to the Halloween Ball, and she’s not budging. She just keeps saying that she doesn’t have a date and she’s not interested in getting one. That’s socially-awkward coward talk for “there’s a boy I like but I’m too chicken to talk to him”. I’ll crack her eventually.

For gossip purposes, of course. I don’t care who she goes to the stupid dance with.

P.S. Is it weird that Applebloom is still wearing the bracelet I gave her? Mine has sat in my drawer since I made it last week.

P.P.S. Is it weird that I noticed that Applebloom is still wearing the bracelet?

Dear Diary,

The Halloween Ball is only eight days away, and I still don’t have date. After Rumble, three different boys asked me out. One of them was even a sophomore! But, just like before, I said no. I don’t know why! Why was it so hard to just say “yes” to one of these cool, popular boys who want to date me?

I keep trying to picture myself with them: Walking down the halls together, holding hands, making out. No matter how I try to twist it in my head, the girl in my mind just doesn’t look like me. I mean, she looks visually the same, but she’s just not me. Does that make sense? I feel like that doesn’t make any sense. Nothing makes sense anymore!

In other news, Applebloom still won’t tell me about the boy she likes. It’s so annoying! Like, she must know that I’ll figure out eventually, right? So why not just tell me now? It’ll be easier for everyone if she just spilled the beans now. What makes it even worse is that Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle both seem to know. I hate being the last friend person in on the secret.

I don’t even have much time to worry about this stupid dance, anyway. I’ve got a Gulliver’s Travels project with Applebloom that I need to start getting materials together for. Maybe I’ll just skip the dance. I mean, who goes to Halloween parties, anyway? How tacky can you be?

Dear Diary,

Last night, I went to a Halloween party.

I know what I said last week, and I really wasn’t going to go. I planned on staying home and catching a movie or something. But, before I could get nice and comfy in my sweatpants and Snuggie, Silver Spoon texts me and asks me to walk her to the Ball. So, being the good friend I am, I walked her to the school. When I turned to head back home, I nearly bumped into Applebloom. She was dressed as a werewolf, but, like, a stylish one. Torn plaid skirt and top, black leather jacket, and enough fake hair to make me double check to make sure I wasn’t actually talking to a dog. She actually looked pretty badass.

She asked me what I was up to, and I told her. Then, she told me about the costume party she was headed to. I wasn’t really interested, but then she said that it was Pinkie’s party, and that made me change my mind. Pinkie’s parties were legendary, and a freshman making it to an upperclassman party was, like, the pinnacle of popularity. So, a quick trip home to change into my costume later (I had put together a vampire queen costume weeks ago, just to be safe), I was going to this cool senior party with Applebloom.

It was all fun and games until I started puking all over the place.

Okay, so, part of it being an upperclassman party was that there was booze, and part of being popular in high school is that you do stupid stuff. So, when Pinkie busted out the alcohol… I may have had a drink or three. I don’t really know what made me do it. The stuff tasted awful, like barf and fire, but I guess I wanted to look cool? I’m paying for it now. I’ve thrown up twice since last night, and I still feel like an absolute wreck. I managed to convince Daddy that I just caught a stomach bug or something, but I don’t know how long i’ll be able to keep that one up.

But, you know, besides the potential alcohol poisoning, it was a fun night. I guess I owe Applebloom for this one…

Dear Diary,

Just when I start thinking Applebloom is okay, she does something stupid like this and just ruins my day!

Our Unit Project is due on Monday, and Applebloom didn’t even finish reading yet! We have to write an essay on the first two parts in the book, and we need to make two models: one of a really small item (for A Voyage to Lilliput) and a really big item (for a Voyage to Brobdingnag). We were assigned a chair, and we never even got started on building the thing because Applebloom is so far behind!

To make things worse, I have to go all the way to Sweet Apple Acres and spend the whole weekend at Applebloom’s house in order to finish in time! Ugh! Why does she have to be so freaking difficult?! It wouldn’t even be so bad if she could come to my house. We have, like, three guest rooms that she could sleep in, but Mother won’t allow it. Something about bad blood with the Apple family. So, I’m stuck sleeping on hay in a dirty barn all weekend.

I’m so angry, I could just scream!

Dear Diary,

I screamed, and Mother said I won’t get my allowance until next week because I’m acting uncivilized.

Dear Diary,

You have no idea how much it hurts me to say this, but… This weekend wasn’t actually all that bad.

Even though my mother wouldn’t spit in the Apple’s direction, Applebloom’s family welcomed me into their home like I was their long-lost daughter. It was weird. They were so nice to me, even though they must have known how mean I was to Applebloom. But, despite that, they welcomed me with open arms. Fed me. Let me sleep there.

And we did sleep in the barn, on hay, just like I feared, but it wasn’t as bad as I had thought it’d be. It was cool and quiet, not like my house at all. Mother and Daddy are always working, so there’s always some sort of noise in my house. But, at Applebloom’s place, it was almost silent. Just the hoot of an owl or the chirp of a cricket. The first night, I couldn’t sleep, and Applebloom took me outside the barn. We laid out on the grass and stared up at the sky. Since we were so far from the city and its artificial lighting, we could see the stars. It was actually pretty cool.

We actually finished our project Saturday afternoon, so I could’ve gone home. Granny Smith told me I was welcome to stay the whole weekend, so I did. It was nice being over there for a while. The Apple home was a lot less stressful than mine. Big Mac, Granny Smith, Applejack, and Applebloom were all so close. It was nice being a part of that, even if it was for a little while.

Ew. I’m being so cheesy right now. Thank God no one reads these things…

Dear Diary,

It’s been a while, hasn’t it? When’s the last time I wrote in this book? November? Well, December is almost over now now, and a lot has changed.

First of all, Applebloom and I are officially friends now, I guess. I mean, we never signed any paperwork or anything, but I hang out at her house pretty often now. Spoon and I eat lunch with the Crusaders almost daily, we text, and I even wore the friendship bracelet. It was kind of cool when Applebloom got Scootaloo and Sweetie to wear theirs all the time. When I had time, I made one for Silver Spoon, so the five of us were marked as friends. It felt cool to be part of a club that I didn’t have to buy my way into for once.

Second of all, I’m dating Rumble now. After I turned him down, he got really determined. He kept asking me out in different ways. Poetry, flowers, he even sang outside of my window (and was immediately chased off by Daddy). I admired his conviction, so I eventually gave in.

I’m not sure we’re right for each other, though. I don’t really know how to explain it. We just don’t click as well as I hoped we would. We’ve kissed twice, but it didn’t feel like how I read it should. I didn’t get all jittery and nervous. It just sort of happened. I thought that might be a good thing, that we were made for each other, but it just felt off. I wonder if there’s something wrong with me. I thought about asking Spoon for advice, but I can’t do that. I told her I’ve already kissed tons of boys before, and I’ll look like such a loser if I go back on that now. Damn it! Who would’ve thought that lying would eventually come back and bite me?! I wish there was someone I could be more honest with.

Wait a second…

BE RIGHT BACK, DIARY!

Dear Diary,

Okay, maybe not right back. I had to run over to AB’s house, and things got weird.

Applebloom is the perfect person to talk to about something like this. She could listen to me and my problems for hours (which was kind of a requisite for being my friend), and she’d never tell anyone about our talk if I asked her not to. Plus, she hasn’t been with a boy ever, so I thought maybe she had the same problem as I did.

I don’t think she does.

So, I tell her my problem, and she gets kinda stiff. Like she was suspicious of me. I was hurt, but I guess it makes sense. Just three months ago, we were bitter enemies. But I wasn’t up to anything this time. I just wanted to know why I didn’t seem to hit it off with a cute, popular, athletic guy like Rumble. She said that she didn’t know for sure, so I asked her about her problem. She swore that she didn’t have a problem and that boys just weren’t really on her mind. Total crap. What kind of teenage girl isn’t thinking about cute boys? So I keep asking her and asking her, chipping away at her shield, until she got up, closed her door and locked it. Applebloom sat on her bed next to me, staring into my eyes (off-topic, but I never noticed how nice AB’s eyes are. Like the sunset. I’m kinda jealous). It was intense. She made me swear to God never to tell anyone what she told me there. Of course, I swore, crossed my heart and everything (this doesn’t count, you’re a diary. If you can’t keep my secrets, no one can).

She came out to me. Like, out the closet. Like, out the closet as a lesbian. I didn’t answer at first, cause it took me a minute to wrap my head around it. When I didn’t say anything, she started crying. I didn’t know what to do! I’ve never been good at this sort of thing. I don’t really think about anyone but myself, but seeing AB cry totally sucked. I hugged her, and she started to calm down. She said she hadn’t told anyone yet. Not her brother, not her sister, not even Sweetie and Scootaloo. It felt nice to be confided in above anyone else (Right after I had that thought, I felt gross about it. How freaking selfish can I be?!). I told her that it was okay, that I wouldn’t even dream about telling anyone, and she started crying again!

Apparently, she was afraid that I wouldn’t want to be friends with her if I knew the truth. I promised her that she was being an idiot (probably not the nicest thing to say to her, but I’m trying!). Even back then, when I “hated” her, I always kinda wanted to be her friend. It was weird saying it out loud. I didn’t even realize it until I said it just then.

I don’t really believe in anything. Spiritually, I mean. Like, I get the idea, and I guess it makes sense, but I just don’t feel it. We’ve never been religious in our family (well, Mother isn’t, and that’s what really matters), so we didn’t go to church or anything. We do the whole Christmas thing, and we do grace when Grandma comes over for the holidays, but not the rest of the year. I guess what I’m saying is I don’t know what I believe.

Right then, though, I felt something. I felt like I was always meant to be friends with Applebloom. Like it was destiny. Why else would she tell me before her best friends? Fate is pushing us together. I wonder why…

This is getting weird. This is just a lot to think about right now. Things will make more sense tomorrow, especially since I’m going to be so busy. My birthday is getting closer and closer, so I’ve got my hands full planning the thing.

God, I need a nap after all of that drama.

Dear Diary,

GOD, I HATE MY STUPID MOM!!!!

She’s the worst! My birthday is in a week and a half, and she’s going to ruin it! It’s like she doesn’t realize that it’s my party, so it doesn’t matter what she wants! Why does everything have to be about her? Why can’t I just do this one thing the way I want it?

I said I wanted to have the party at home. She says we have to have it at the stupid roller rink that her stupid company has a stupid partnership with. I said I wanted a cake from Sugarcube Corner. She says she already placed an order with some french bakery in Manehattan for a double-chocolate fudge cake (I hate chocolate cake!) I said I wanted to invite my friends. She says she doesn’t like Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, or Scootaloo, so I can’t invite them.

It’s her fault. She’s the reason I never had any friends growing up. Nothing is good enough for her! She wants everyone in my life to be elite and rich and snobby and sucky! The only reason I was ever able to be friends with Silver Spoon is because her mom works for Mother. Like, why even freaking bother trying?! She ruins everything! She ruined my childhood, she’s ruining my high school life, she’s ruining her marriage and now she’s ruining my birthday!

You know what? I don’t care. This time, she’s not going to have her way. This time, we’re doing things my way, damn it! If I can’t have my party at my house with my friends, then maybe I don’t even need a stupid party! I don’t need her crappy cake. And I definitely don’t need her!

Dear Diary,

Okay. Everything is ready. My birthday is tomorrow, my party is officially cancelled, and I’m grounded for the rest of the month for “talking back to my mother” and “being an ungrateful little brat”. As crazy as it sounds, this is a good thing. If I’m grounded, I’m expected to have lights out by 8. That was perfect. Lights out, window open, and I’m out.

As soon as my feet hit the ground, I run to Applebloom’s house. We already had everything arranged. It wouldn’t be the birthday party that I was used to, but that’s fine. And, since Mother can’t ever find out that I left, I can’t exactly bring home any presents. That part is a bit tougher. I always got a ton of gifts on my birthdays, so I don’t know how I’ll manage to live. Still, if Bloom was to be believed, I had too much useless crap anyway. Besides, this birthday is about me doing things my way. Obsessing over presents and material, superficial junk is Mother’s way.

The main problem is that I don’t really have a way. My whole life has been me trying to keep Mother off of my back. I feel like I don’t even know who Diamond Tiara is. Whoever she turns out to be, she’s a better person than who I was just last year.

Time to pack.

Dear Diary,

Mission complete!

My secret birthday party was great! I mean, duh, just look who planned it (spoiler alert: it was me!). Both of my parents had to work late yesterday, so I snuck out easily. Plus, they got home so late that they were tired, too tired to bother checking on me. Everything landed in my favor, and I made it to Sweet Apple Acres easily.

Even though I had planned it out, the girls had some surprises for me. At some point while we were hanging out in the barn, Pinkie Pie showed up with a massive coconut cake (my favorite!) I hadn’t ordered one from Sugarcube Corner because my beyond-paranoid Mother surely would’ve found out. But, Applebloom asked her sister to ask Pinkie for a favor, and this cake was made off the books. The only thing better than coconut cake: secret coconut cake! And one that spites Mother!

The actual “party” was more or less uneventful, which was a nice change. With Mother, everything is a pageant and a contest, so every year she has to throw a bigger party than her coworkers did for their kids. To just hang out for a change was great. It got rid of the birthday stress I didn’t even realize I felt. I loved it.

Speaking of things I loved, AB and the girls actually did get me a present. Or, technically, they made me a present. A nice little charm bracelet. Bloom said that she knew I couldn’t bring home anything big, but my parents probably wouldn’t notice a little bracelet. It was clearly homemade, but I could tell she worked her butt off to make it as perfect as she could. The others helped, of course, but Sweetie, Silver, and Scootaloo assured me that this was all Applebloom’s idea. I didn’t have to say anything. I just slipped it on my wrist and hugged the three of them like I was going to die in the morning.

Which, in a way, I did, because Mother totally caught me when I went back home. At first, I thought I was good. I slipped into the house before Mother normally woke up and ran into Daddy in the kitchen. He smiled at me, like he had told a joke that went over my head. If he knew where I had been last night, he didn’t care to bring it up. He spoke to me like it was no different than any other morning. He asked me what I was up to yesterday, and I lied through my teeth. He gave me a wink, but didn’t press the issue. He was so cool for that. Then, just when I I thought I got out scot-free, Mother came around the corner asking why I wasn’t in bed when she went to wake me earlier.

She lectured me for approximately five centuries, then extended my grounding to early February. I pouted, but this was actually fine. I’d be off the hook by the 5th, so I’d definitely make it to the Valentine’s Day Dance. This year is a leap year, so it’s Girl’s Choice (some weird CHS tradition, I don’t know). Normally, I’d be freaking out about it, but I guess I already have a date? Now that I think on it, I haven’t spoken to Rumble since I got grounded. I should probably text him…

OMGOMGOMG,

OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD!

I was supposed to go to the mall with Silver Spoon today, and so I went to her house to pick her up. Her parents let me in, said she was right upstairs, so I went up to meet her. I know her house really well, I’m there all the time, so I didn’t really think twice about opening the door to her bedroom and going in to see her. It never even once occurred to me that maybe she had her door closed for a reason.

Apparently, it was Silver Spoon’s… “alone time”. Like, alone alone. Oh my God, I can't even write about this! She was… exploring herself.

She didn't notice me at first, so I just stood there for a bit. I couldn't stop looking. I never really noticed it, but Spoon… She's really pretty. This was the first time I saw her naked since we were kids, before I really understood things like breasts and puberty.

I got butterflies in my stomach. I was blushing and trembling, hard, and not just because I was embarrassed. I got this weird tingly feeling in my chest and… Well, pretty much everywhere. There was this wave of heat that passed over me, but, like, under the skin. I don’t know how to explain it, but it was weird and uncomfortable but at the same time I kind of liked it? I shouldn’t have been watching, but I just couldn’t take my eyes off of her.

Eventually, she realized that I was standing there, and the situation devolved really quickly. She screamed, I screamed, it was awkward, and I ran home. My heart was pounding. My head was spinning. I was about 90% certain that I was just gonna drop dead before I made it back home. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to look Silver Spoon in the eye again.

But what does it mean? Why did I just sit there and watch for so long? Why did I start to feel that way? Could I be a les like Applebloom?

I’m freaking out a little bit right now. I’m going to go for a walk to clear my head.

Dear Diary,

My walk ended up taking me to Sweet Apple Acres. AB had chores, so she couldn’t talk for long, but I told her part of what happened (I left out who it was that I walked in on), and how I felt about it. She said that I should try to do some research and see what I come up with. By “research”, I’m pretty sure she meant dirty videos. The sort of thing I’d need to clear my browser history for.

I don’t think I’m going to do that. I’m not willing to go into that gross sect of the internet.

Dear Diary,

So, I ended up doing some research after all. Just to see what all the fuss was about.

I have no words for the things I saw. Like, I didn’t even really understand what I was looking at. It was just a whole bunch of stuff going on. I was so embarrassed at first that I sorta forgot that I supposed to be researching. I just stared and stared. Eventually, I got myself on track, though, and I realized something.

Maybe AB is onto something here…

Dear Diary,

I broke up with Rumble today. Or, well, I guess he broke up with me? Let me explain.

So, turns out, Rumble wasn’t as in to me as I thought he was. He’d rather make out with Liza Doolots behind the bleachers than stay with me. So I guess he technically dumped me weeks ago. He just never thought to tell me.

I think I’m supposed to be upset. I got dumped by the perfect boy the day before Valentine’s Day, and two days before the dance. I’m pretty sure that’s the worst thing to happen in the history of high school romances. For some reason, though, I didn’t really care. Maybe because I already gave up on the idea that we were supposed to be together. Or maybe it was because boys weren’t the most interesting thing in the world to me anymore.

Either way, Valentine’s Day plus no date equals me stuffing my face with chocolate and watching a romantic comedy with the girls. Can’t wait.

Dear Diary,

Technically, Valentine’s Day sucked.

I forgot that most of the others had dates to do stuff with. Sweetie was playing games with Button Mash, Scootaloo was doing some sort of cookie-baking thing with Truffle (I never would have thought of them together, but they work well), and Silver Spoon was hanging out with Pip. So that left me and AB as the loners in the group. It should’ve been weird, especially given my recent “experiments”.

But, somehow, it was better than I ever could have hoped. We ordered a pizza and bought some snacks, and we had a good day of just being slobs and watching movies. We started off with rom-coms, like I planned, but AB suggested we watch some horror movies instead. For irony, you know? I didn’t think Applebloom would be a slasher fan, but she surprised me. She had some good stuff, too. A couple of Japanese films that I’ve never even heard of that turned out to be really good. Nice and bloody, just the way I like them.

I don’t have a problem.

Despite things not really going the way we probably expected, we still had a good time. I always did with Applebloom. It’s crazy to think that, just a few months ago, I hated her, or I pretended to. Now, I can’t imagine not being her friend.

Dear Diary,

Today is the Girl’s Choice dance, and I couldn’t be less interested in going. Normally, I’d be making my rounds, finding a boy someone I liked and demanding that they let me take them to the dance (charming, I know). This time, though, I didn’t really care. High school sucks, even when you actually do have good friends to help you get through it. I don’t need the stress of another dance on my shoulders right now.

Mother is getting “worried” about me. She said I’m not being as active or involved in school as I should be, which is crap. I would’ve joined the Gardener’s Club with AB, but Mother wouldn’t let me. She said gardening was a task for old crones and illegal immigrants, not someone of my stature. And she wonders why I don’t bother trying.

The more I think on it, the less at home I feel in my own house. Between my parents never being around and them arguing when they finally are home for the night… Then, Mother goes and suffocates and smothers me in an attempt to make me into the perfect little trophy daughter, and Daddy’s too tired of fighting to even care that I hate my own mother and what she’s doing to our family. I wish he just finally got the guts to divorce her and find someone who really makes him happy. That woman is poison. Everything she touches comes out worse than it went in.

There was a point to that rant, I’m sure. I can’t exactly remember what it was, but it was definitely there.

AAAAHHHHH,

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

Remember how I said the dance was tonight and I had no date?

I have a date now.

I gotta go get ready I’ll write more later bye!

Dear Diary,

Okay. Wow. Wasn’t expecting that.

Not ten seconds after I put my pen down from talking about the Girl’s Choice, AB called me and started talking to me about it. She hadn’t asked anyone, and she knew I wasn’t with anyone, so I assumed she was asking if I wanted to hang out. She kinda was, I guess. She said that we only get to be freshmen once, and the next Girl’s Choice wouldn’t be until we were seniors, so it’d be a shame if we didn’t go now. It was weird, because she kept dancing around the point for a while, which isn’t like her at all. When I finally got her to spit it out, she got really bashful and nervous and quiet.

Then, she asked me out to the dance.

She said it could be as friends, that it didn’t have to mean anything, and that she didn’t mind if I thought it was too weird and wanted to say no. I barely heard her, I was so focused on finding a dress and getting ready. I didn’t bother worrying about if it was weird or what it meant. AB had made a really good point. This was my only freshman year. High school is supposed to be the best time of my life and I’m just sitting here while it passes me by! Time to get busy living.

We met at Sugarcube Corner (to grab a quick bite before the dance), and she nearly blew the roof off the place. AB was normally cute enough without really trying (that dumb bow and bright smile made me so angry before we ended up as friends). She just had this air about her. It takes me like an hour in the morning to look as good as I do and Bloom looks just as good, if not better, with no effort. It was infuriating. Oh God, is that why I hated Applebloom? Was I just jealous?

Anyway, she normally looked good without trying, but when she actually puts in effort to her look? I don’t care how hot you think you are. Just give up and go home, because Applebloom will make you feel like you’re not even there. She had this beautiful salmon pink dress that went just right with her eyes. She had styled her hair just so slightly, giving it an elegant curl near the front. Her makeup was sparse, just a tiny bit of lip gloss and eyeliner. She looked good. Like, really good. Absolutely stunning.

Sweetie, Scootaloo, and Silver met us at Sugarcube Corner with their dates, and they tried to look more surprised than I suspect they were. Sweetie and Scootaloo especially. I never told them about AB’s secret, and I don’t think she did either, but those two knew. I could tell by the way they smiled at her, giving her a thumbs up when they thought I wasn’t looking. They really gave themselves away when they fistbumped behind our backs on our way out to go to the dance.

We had fun. We mingled and danced. We got a few stares from some of our classmates. I can’t really blame them. I was almost as confused as they were. But I didn’t care. We were having fun, and that’s what mattered. AB said she wasn’t much of a dancer, but she led really well. Especially the slow songs. It was great.

Then, she kissed me.

There wasn’t any tongue or anything. Just a quick peck on the lips, like it was reflex. As soon as she did it, she blushed bright red and started apologizing. Just got caught up in the heat of the moment, she said. I didn't mind. This kiss wasn’t like the ones I shared with Rumble. There was emotion, feeling. Even if it didn't mean anything, it was nice.

Tonight was probably the best night I’d ever had.

Dear Diary,

I can’t sleep. I just keep replaying the kiss, over and over in my head. I keep telling myself it didn’t mean anything. AB said it didn’t mean anything. So why does it feel like it meant something? Why does it feel like I have butterflies in my stomach?

Who knew this could be so complicated?

Dear Diary,

It’s been two weeks since “The Kiss”, and I still can’t stop thinking about it. Why? It was just a kiss. Not even my first one. So why did it stick with me so much? There was something different, something special. Maybe it was because it was my first time kissing a girl?

Yeah. That has to be it.

Dear Diary,

There’s something wrong with me. I don’t know what it is, but I’m positive that I’m sick. The Girl’s Choice dance was two and a half weeks ago, and it’s still dominating my thoughts. I shouldn’t be thinking about it still.

The others have noticed. We try to go about our business like nothing is different, but the girls can tell that something has changed between me and AB. Our dynamic is different. We can barely look at each other. I didn’t tell Spoon, and I doubt AB told Sweetie and Scootaloo, so they don’t know exactly what happened. They just know that something did.

Did I mess up at the dance? Maybe this awkwardness is my fault. Was I supposed to kiss her back? Is that what I want? I think I might’ve been wrong before, when I talked about fate and destiny. Maybe AB and I aren’t destined to be friends.

Maybe we’re destined to be more…

Dear Diary,

I’ve been thinking about this for two weeks, and I’ve come to a decision.

I’m going to ask Applebloom to the Spring Fling. Not as my friend. As my girlfr date. I don’t know how on Earth I’m going to do it, but I’m going to do it. I feel something with AB that I’ve never felt before. I don’t know what to call it exactly, but it’s something special, and I don’t want to let it go. So, I’m going to grab it.

It should be easy. Applebloom is easy to talk to. She makes me feel comfortable in a way I can’t really describe. It’s what I always imagined having a sister would be like. Not that I look at AB like my sister. That’d make the whole “dating her” thing kinda weird. What the heck am I even talking about anymore?

The point is, asking AB to the dance is going to be a piece of cake.

Dear Diary,

Asking AB to the dance is practically impossible.

I just can’t bring myself to do it! How did she manage to ask me to the Girl’s Choice? I’m a mess right now! Every time I think I’ve worked up the courage, I look her in the eye and I remember “The Kiss”. How soft her lips were against mine. The way she took away my breath with just that brief moment of contact.

I need to get a grip of myself. I’m not letting this slip through my fingers. With God as my witness, I’m going to ask her to the dance tomorrow! Mark my words!

Dear Diary,

I didn’t ask her.

I know what I said. I meant it, too. I had every intention of asking Applebloom to the dance. I walked all the way to Sweet Apple Acres, even up to her room without losing my cool. I looked her directly in the eyes. Those pretty, burned-orange, sunset eyes. And I opened my mouth to ask her the simple question.

Then, I realized that I had no earthly idea how exactly to put it into words.

How do you even ask someone out?! How do you phrase it in a way that’s not totally insane?! Like, I can’t think of a sentence that asks Applebloom out that wouldn’t make me spontaneously combust to say out loud. If this is what it’s like for boys to ask out girls, then I owe boys everywhere an apology. Sorry for calling you guys cowards so many times in middle school. This is hard!

I normally don’t have problems like this. I want something, I get it. It’s just the way things work for me. But this is really special, really important. I can’t afford to ruin this. So I’m going to sit down for a second and really think this through. Daddy used to tell me to really think about if I want something before I try to get it. Is this really what I want? Why Applebloom?

She’s pretty. Kind. Friendly. My first real friend, the first friend I had to work for. Nothing against Silver Spoon, but I owe our friendship to Mother. Applebloom was the first person I had to prove my worth to. She’s trusting and loyal and honest. She’s everything I’m not, but everything I want to be. We’re total opposites, her and I.

I was wrong. I don’t want Applebloom to go to the dance with me. I need her to go to the dance with me.

Dear Diary,

Hello, old friend. It’s been a long time, hasn’t it? I wanna say twelve years. Part of me wanted to pick up where I left off, but I decided against it. The entry before this one was the last one I managed to get out before graduation, at which point I decided to get a new diary. I wanted to keep you as uncluttered as possible, so you could really encapsulate that first year of high school.

You never really notice until you’ve looked back on it how important a year can be. When you’re in the moment, time kind of just melts together. Context and perspective become impossible to grasp. Every second is precious, and every year is important, but it’s not until you put some distance between then and now do you understand just how much of a difference that one year can make.

My freshman year of high school was, so far, the most important year of my life. I didn’t know it at the time. How could I? At that point in my life, I was focused on things that don’t matter. Being cool and popular. Trying to appease people who don’t matter. Not just my classmates, either.

The point is, I couldn’t have begun to guess how much that one year would have mattered. How much I learned, how much I changed. 8th grade, I was the worst. A spoiled, self-absorbed, unremorseful, borderline-sociopathic little brat. Just one year later… Actually, now that I look at that written out, I’m kind of still all of those things, but I’m also much more. A lot of that is because of you, Applebloom.

Yup. I know you’re reading this. Don’t worry, you don’t have to put it down. If I didn’t want you to see this, I wouldn’t have left it unlocked. I left this here for you, AB, because I wanted you to see with your own eyes what you mean to me. You can hear me say it all day, but I want you to really look at what things were like way back then.

That year, that freshman year, was the absolute most important year of my life to date and that is because of you. What you did to me, what you helped me to learn and understand. You offered me a friendship I didn’t deserve, that I didn’t even want, but I needed. Somehow, past the dysfunction, the massive ego, and the unforgivable snobbery, you saw something in me worth latching onto. Meanwhile, I was doing everything in my power to ignore that something in you.

I don’t know where I’d be if I never made friends with you, but I know I’d be worse off. I don’t know what I’d be doing, but I know I wouldn’t be enjoying it. And I don’t know who I’d be, but I know that I wouldn’t be worth knowing.

I love you, AB. I don’t say that anywhere near as much as I should, as much as you deserve to hear it. I love you, and I need you in my life. I don’t know if I’m worthy of that, if I’ve earned it yet, but I don’t ever want to stop being yours. If this is what I'm capable of being after ten years… I want to see what the future holds. I want to change you, help you grow the way you did me. So, I guess what I'm saying is…

Applebloom, will you marry me?

P.S. Turn around.

Applebloom clasped her hand over her mouth, not quite believing what she had read. She had originally felt bad for going through Diamond’s personal belongings, even if they were a decade old. Still, she couldn’t resist. She remembered hearing Diamond talk about this diary of hers in the past, but Applebloom had never seen it before. Now, while clearing out their bedroom closet, she had found the old, tattered book sitting inside a box of various junk and mementos from their youth. When she realized that the diary was unlocked, Applebloom decided that there’d be no harm in giving the book a quick look.

Applebloom wasn’t sure what she had expected to read, but she was in no way prepared for this. She read the last entry over and over, not entirely processing what Diamond’s words meant. It took three readings in order for Applebloom to realize that the last line was a request.

Applebloom slowly turned, unable to stop the tears from flowing as she did. At some point while Applebloom was reading, Diamond had slipped into the room, quiet as a mouse, and gotten into position: kneeling before her girlfriend on one knee with a small black ring box in hand. Applebloom was speechless, which seemed to be exactly what Diamond Tiara was hoping for.

“I love you, Applebloom,” said Diamond Tiara. “And I never want to be apart from you ever. So, will you be mine until my dying breath?”

Applebloom was proper crying by this point, unable to keep her emotions in check. She smiled a watery smile at her former rival, her long-time friend. The love of her life. Words failed her, and she did the only thing she could think to do. She leapt onto Diamond Tiara, squeezing her tightly and furiously kissing every inch of Diamond’s face that she could get her lips on.

Dear Diary,

SHE SAID YES!!!