The throne room of Celestia's palace was buzzing like a beehive. Nobles and commoners had gathered to hear the day's cases and petitions, spilling out of the courtroom itself and into the hallways. The great stained glass windows had been thrown open, and massive clouds laden with spectators floated just outside of the windows. It seemed as though all of Equestria had gathered for a single day of court.

To be more specific, and much to the embarrassment of all involved, they had only come to see one case. One case which, due to its grave importance, had been moved to the end of the programme to allow for undivided attention. A fact which had not been shared with the general public, as none short of a psychic could have predicted such a turnout. And while Pinkie Pie did have enough drinks for all present, Twilight Sparkle was adamant that over-preparation was not the same as clairvoyance.

In any case, it was a very long day, made longer since every humble petitioner had to present their case in front of the entire nation. The stuttering alone would probably fill ten hours back-to-back, to say nothing of the impromptu brawls. Most things worth bothering the princess over tended to be serious gray areas, and mob mentality is very good for making ponies exercise their right to free speech.

Twilight made a note to speak to Celestia about revising the Bill of Rights at her next opportunity. Discretely, of course.

The chatter died down rather suddenly when three guards entered the room. Everypony seemed to hold their collective breath as barrier spells went up around the throne room's red carpet, and only the lightning crackle of the barriers could be heard. Then the doors parted, and the court erupted into jeering and booing.

King Sombra looked surprisingly healthy for someone who was supposed to be dead. His body was so battered that it looked as though he had been wading through a war zone, a network of scars outlining some nasty bruises and one or two sizable dents in his chest. The right side of his face was almost devoid of flesh, torn away to reveal a skull that sparkled faintly under the bright lights. The royal armor and cape that everypony was used to picturing him with was missing, replaced by an abundance of chains and manacles. Every step that the toppled tyrant took caused the chains to rattle, and every movement of his head was met with the guards pulling him right back.

There were very few ponies alive that remembered the proper protocol for imprisoned unicorns. If pressed, your average citizen would probably mutter something about anti-magic precautions, and then excuse themselves before you could make them admit that they knew nothing. Only scholars and torture specialists would be able to tell you anything about Horavian Unichain cylinders, the humble metal tubes that could leave a unicorn utterly stripped of their magic. Sombra's head was hung low underneath the weight of one such cylinder, made worse by the chains that ran from the cylinder to the waiting hooves of several eager guards.

As the former king stumbled left and right under the weight of his abuse, a great many ponies fell silent. Their silence did not stem from any respect or pity for the monster before them, but from fear. The smoky green and red eyes of Sombra seemed to radiate hatred towards all living things, and every pony that met his gaze found themselves shivering with involuntary fear.

At long last, the King of All Monsters, Sovereign of Fear and former Crystal Emperor was brought before Princess Celestia, to face judgement for his crimes. The alicorn glared down at him, then looked up at the assembled citizens of Equestria.

"I do hereby call this trial of Sombra de Umbrum to order. Raven?" She turned to her secretary. "Read the charges."

Raven nodded, and levitated the first of a large stack of papers towards her. "Let the record show," she addressed the masses, "that a private committee was organized earlier today to vote on whether some charges should have been omitted from the reading for the sake of time. Now, while the final vote was that the charges should be read in their entirety, I have been asked to stress that this could take a while."

The princess gave a light chuckle. "They've all waited this long just to get here, Raven. Last I heard, nopony ever complains if the first act of a musical takes its time getting started."

Raven gave a polite smile, and turned her attention back to the forms. "Very well. Sombra, you are hereby charged with the following crimes..."

1. High treason.

2. The study and mastery of illegal dark magics, including but not necessarily limited to, umbramancy, crystallurgy and, according to admittedly tenuous accounts, necromancy.

3. Unlicensed travel to an alternate dimension.

4. Consorting with enemies of the state.

5. Theft of a Class Five magical artifact.

6. Failure to issue a formal challenge of honor when attempting to overthrow the local ruling power.

7. Crystallization and deliberate scattering of Princess Amore with clear murderous intent.

8. Ascending to the position of monarch without using the channels of due process, the will of the people or ritual beheading of the previous monarch after defeating them in an honorable duel.

9. Making fraudulent claims to being Princess Amore's legitimate successor.

10. Misrepresenting the Crystal Empire before the Assembly of Nations.

11. Organizing trade agreements that made war fiscally impossible for all members of the Assembly of Nations except for the Crystal Empire.

12. Implying that said trade agreements were the idea of the Equestrian central government while in private talks with the griffon king.

13. Holding private talks with the griffon king when the official Equestrian diplomatic relations at the time were strictly business.

14. Enforcing work conditions and salaries in clear violation of all worker safety protocols, both according to modern policies and the standards of the time.

15. Establishing a mandatory dress code that was both garish and restrictive.

16. Promoting an isolationist philosophy while the Crystal Empire was still a city-state strongly associated with Equestria.

17. Deporting all unicorns from the Crystal Empire, on the tenuous grounds that all of them were plotting against the state.

18. Supplying the Yak Regent Macaulay with a "lifetime supply of quills, and complementary red ink".

19. Extensive equine trafficking, to the point of officially listing slaves as the chief export of the Crystal Empire.

20. Directly admitting to having an economy built on morally dubious contraband, and doing nothing to change that.

21. Selling components of disemboweled crystal ponies internationally.

22. Establishing a dragon-exclusive chain of restaurants with a menu consisting entirely of "organic crystal".

23. Openly attempting to manipulate the Assembly of Nations towards goals that only directly benefited you.

24. Declaring the Crystal Empire's secession from Equestria without first consulting and/or gaining the private approval of the central Equestrian government.

25. Attempting to retroactively invoke diplomatic immunity.

Raven set down the paper. She looked up at the audience as though expecting applause, and there was a certain building tension in the air that suggested she might get it. Then she looked up to Celestia, whose eyes remained coolly fixed on Sombra. For his part, the tyrant swayed drunkenly in his spot, as though caught up in some lilting lullaby. His eyes, though, were still open, fixed on the secretary with what could only be described as a viciously encouraging glint. The assembled masses seemed afraid to even mutter, until one of the castle servants scurried forward with a glass of water for the secretary.

As she adjusted her glasses and took a quick sip, the rabble snapped from reverent silence to politely hushed chatter, everypony watching out the corner of their eye for when she started reading again.

In the brief few minutes before the trial resumed, gossip and speculation ran rampant like a buffalo stampede. Questions of sentencing, punishment and whether the judicial system of olden days should play a part were very popular, especially among the blacksmiths in the crowd, who were very busy handing out business cards.

Somewhere amid the chaos, Pinkie Pie turned to Twilight Sparkle and said, "you can just hear the bullet points, can't you?"

And Twilight looked down at her notebook full of hyphens, and had a mental breakdown.

Author's Notes:

Here's a fun drinking game; take a shot every time you spot a disturbing legal loophole!