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Like a Mold in Your Mind

by Obselescence

Chapter 1: The Spores


The Spores

“I, Pinkie Pie,
am a loser.”
There, I said it. Are you happy?
Whoever you are?
Wherever you are?
I hope you’re happy.
I just want you to be happy.
All of you.

What a mess
this dame is.
Sittin’ there,
Mopin’ at a party.
Her own party.
Can’t even have
any fun.
Won’t even take
any cake.

What kinda scum
does this to a gal?
Ups and leaves her
split like a flint?
“What’s that, Rocky?
Did you say something?”

“I said you ain’t a loser, Pinkie.
There ain’t an anything wrong with youse.
It’s them that’s wrong.”


“Them?”

“Zem,”

And zat eez all

Madame LeFlour

will say of zem

in polite company.

“Them.”

Your old friends.
The ones you used to have.
Toots, wake up
and smell the pumice.
‘Fore it pummels ya.

They left ya.
Tossed by the wayside.
How clear
do I gotta make that?

What do I gotta say
to convince youse
that they were never
no good in the first place?

Ain’t my name Rocky,
or ain’t it?

Trust me.
“I trust you, Rocky.”

No. I don’t trust him.
He’s a plenty good friend.
The best stack of rocks
I’ll ever find.
But my other friends
were better.
I liked them more.
I want them to say
I’m not a loser.

“I trust you, Rocky.
But my parties aren’t...
They’re not good enough...”

Not anymore.
Not for them.

“Says who?

“Says who, huh?
Tell me.
Take a load off.
Rocky’s here.”

Indeed,

as well as

zee Madame.

She eez here also.

We are here

for you,

Miz Pinkie Pie.

"I said
says who?”


“Says them.”

“And what

of zem?

Zees party

eez good.

I like zees party.

Does my word

not count

for something,

eh?”

“It does,
Your words mean
a lot to me.
It’s just
they don’t like my
parties.
And their words mean
a lot too.”

Again with the ponies.
Again with the ponies!
Dame gives me a headache.
Have some punch,
ya crazy broad.
It’s a party.
Act like it.


“I want them to,
y’know,
to like me again.
Like they did before.”

“I’m your best friend now.
You don’t need nuffin’
and nopony else.”


“I guess...”

“But surely

you jest,

sir Rocky.

It eez I

who am her

best friend now.”

“So I’m your best friend,
ignorin’ Biscuits there.”

Cheeky

rockhead!

The nerve!

The stony nerve!

Why do I not leap

from seat,

and topple him?

Eet eez

beyond me.

Eef Miz Pie

could just

reach me over

and knock

zee rock...

Ah, merci,

Miz Pinkie.

for doing zat

for me.

You are

a true friend.

But I spit on

zee rock.

“Zat eez

Madame LeFlour

to you!”

Ow,
my head.

Don’t worry, Pinkie.
Know you didn’t mean
nuffin’ by it.

The sack, though...

“Biscuits.
Like you’re gonna be
when I’m through with youse.”

“Outrage!”

“Guys, guys.
Let’s not fight
over me.”

I try to stop them.
Put them on opposite
sides of the table.
Build Rocky back up.
Give Madame LeFlour
a look.

“I don’t want to lose
any more friends.”

Oh, Miz Pinkie.

Dear.

Zat

will not happen.

“We will not

leave you.

We love you.”

“Yeah, we ain’t goin’ nowheres.”

‘Cept maybe the sack.
Twilight Sparkle,
and Rainbow Dash,
and Applejack,
and Fluttershy,
and Rarity...

They’d said that too.
They’d said
they wouldn’t leave me.
Not for anything.

“I’ve been told that
before...”

“But we mean it.”

“Yes, yes!”

“Not like those others.”

“No,

not like zem.”

“How do I know that?”

“It’s simple, doll.
We like ya.
They don’t.
Who else do ya got?
Who else do we got?
Look at me:
I’m rocks.
Where am I gonna
run off to?”


“Since you
put it like that,
I guess...”

I swear,
this mare
needs some sense
pounded inta her.

What do I need?
A sign?

Hmmph!

Zee rock

with hees,

how you say?

Bluntness.

Eez no way

to treat

a delicate flower

like Miz Pinkie.

“Darling, relax.

We are going

nowhere.

We owe everyzing

to you!

And you alone!

As well as zees

magnifique party!

No?”

“You really,
really,
think it’s great?”

“Better.”

“Certainement!

Een fact, might I

sample a slice

of zat no-doubt

sumptuous

cake?”

Oh, of course,
Madame LeFlour.
Anything for you.
Best friends do these
things for each other.
Don’t they?

“Have as much
as you’d like.
My other friends...
My used-to-be friends...
They aren’t going to
want it.
They’re not coming
to this party anyway.”

Bravo,
applause.
Girl gets it at last.

You don’t need them.
You don’t need any of them.
Not to have
a good time.
This is a party.
You gotta live it up.

Can’t weigh yourself down
with all these regrets.
Not when you got
new friends like us.
Better friends
like us.

“I am so pur-roud

of you

Miz Pinkie!

You are finally

learning

to let go!”

“Letting
go?
Well, no.
I didn’t mean it
like that.”

“C’mon, Pinkie.
Ya got it in ya to drop ‘em.
Drop ‘em.”

Drop ‘em.
Drop ‘em like a sacka flour.
Ya got it in ya.
What if I
don’t want to—
don’t want to
let go?

“Eet really eez

for zee best.

Zey were not

treating you...”


Maybe
my old friends
don’t like me
anymore...

Ah, Miz Pinkie,

are you

leestening?

Leesten to us.

We know

what eez best.

To ease

your pain.

Eef only

you would

leesten.

“Dearie?”

But can’t I
still like them?

Can’t I?
Can’t I?

I don’t know...

I want to.

They aren’t—
They weren’t
so bad.

“I think
we’re losin’ her,
Biscuits.”

“So eet seems.”

“Maybe we might
need
some back-up.”

“So eet seems.”

Oh! A boor

zee rock eez.

And yet,

not as dumb

as zee brick.

Do not worry,

Miz Pinkie.

We shall help.


Just can’t stand it...
Why do they
hate me
and my parties?
What did I do?
What could I
have fixed?

Done better?

“Ah, Miz Pinkie!”

I don’t know
what
I can do
to do better...

Miz Pinkie!

Oi!


Oh!
Rocky.
Madame LeFlour.
I’m
so sorry.
I should have
been listening.
I should have—
should have...

“Listen:
me and Biscuits
have been talkin’ it
over...”

“And we

zeenk

zees party...”

“...Is bad?”

Oh for the love of—!
You’re killin’ me here!
Don’t you get it?
The parties
were never the problem.
You
were never the problem.
It was them.
It was always them!

We’ll get you
straight yet, toots.

“Non! Is not bad!

We zeenk

zees party,

eez wonderful.”

“Thank you,
I guess...”

“But perhaps,

more friends...?

To celebrate

zees occasion?

Gummy’s

after-birzhday

is only

once a year,

you know.”

“Friends?
I don’t have
all that many
more friends...”

Not since
I lost
all of mine.

There’s...
No, wait.
No, there’s not...

“I know
a guy.
A good guy.
Tall, dark,
and turnip.
You’ll love him.”

“And Sir Lintalot!

He eez

zee most

perfect guest.

So chivalrous!”

“I guess
it couldn’t hurt.”

“That’s the spirit!”

“Oui, oui!”

“I can go
and get them
if you want.
I’ve got some
invitations left.”

Invitations
for my old friends.
For Twilight
and Dashie
and all the rest.

But maybe,
maybe I do
need some new friends.

Couldn’t hurt?

But—

“You’ll promise
you’ll stay here,
right?

“You won’t
go anywhere?”

“Ain’t got no
place to go.”

“On my life,

Miz Pinkie.

We shall

seet put.

“Worry not,

Miz Pinkie.

We will do

all we can

to help make

zees party grand

for you.”

“And you alone, toots.”





The party
looks like it might
be a good party.
Maybe a great one.

And with
Mr. Turnip,
Sir Lintalot,
And
the party hats...
Maybe now
it’ll be the party
my friends deserve.

Maybe.

Maybemaybemaybemaybemaybemaybemaybemaybemaybemaybemaybemaybemaybemaybe

But now
to be
the best party host
I can be
so my new friends
won’t want to leave.

Like the ponies did.

Smiles and punch
all around.
They
settle in
on their stools:

Rocky,
and Madame LeFlour,
and Mr. Turnip,
and Sir Lintalot,
and Gummy.

At this party...

They look
look happy.

They look happy.
To be here.
At my party.

“Thank you all
so much for coming!

“It means so much
to Gummy...”

And it means
so much
to me.

And me.

And me.

It's good
to have
friends
again.

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