Spike skipped down the streets of Ponyville with a joyous smile on his face, humming to himself.

“Today is the day. Today is the day I finally do it.”

He could barely contain his giddiness. He blushed as the beautiful Rarity enveloped his thoughts. He had spent years admiring her, following her without hesitation, and tending to her every need. His adoration had grown over time, and he was fully ready to show his commitment.

As he walked, he rehearsed what he would say when he confessed his love for her. “Okay, Spike, you can do this. No choking up when talking to Rarity. You’re a fourteen-year-old dragon. That’s about twenty in pony years… I think. Time to dragon up and tell her how you feel!”

“‘Hey, Rarity! I really like you and think we should be together.’ Naw, too straightforward. ‘Rarity, you are and have always been the greatest friend to me...’ Friend? I’m already signing my own rejection letter with that word! ‘Rarity, lookin’ foxy as ever.’”

Spike facepalmed at his last response. “My lines need work. Maybe I’ll think of some better ones while I buy her some things.”

Nothing good came to Spike, so he eventually gave up on the one-liners and focused on what he could get Rarity as a gift. He had already decided to give her some of his gemstones, so maybe some flowers would seal the deal.

“What! You mean you ponies actually charge this much for a piece of fruit?”

That voice sounded familiar. It was similar to the unwelcome and unlikable jerk with wings that flew off a few years ago. Spike turned towards the irate griffon, who was arguing with one of the market ponies.

“These are the finest pears in all of Equestria,” the merchant argued. “I will not lower my prices just because you want me to!”

“You call this fine quality?” Gilda pointed at the pear. “This clearly has a bruise on it. There’s no way I’m paying ten bits for these! That’s a ripoff!”

“A tiny bruise isn’t going to kill you! What, are you a little too uppity for bruised pears? If so, you can take your business elsewhere!”

Gilda began to grumble under her breath. She dug her claw into her satchel and pulled out enough bits to buy four pears. “You’re lucky these things are my favorite fruit.”

Spike wondered what Gilda was doing back in Ponyville. Last time he saw her, she’d left a bad taste in everypony’s mouth. He approached the agitated griffon before she decided to take flight.

“Um, Gilda wasn’t it?” he asked, tapping her on the back.

“What the…” She turned around and glared at the dragon. “And you’re supposed to be?”

“Weren’t you run out by Rainbow Dash a few years ago?” Spike asked. “What are you doing back in Ponyville?”

“I wasn’t run out, you brat!” Gilda snarled. “I left ‘cause everypony acted like dweebs. Wait… weren’t you the lame, little dragon at the party?”

“Yeah.” Spike narrowed his eyes. “I’m that lame dragon that you pushed out of the way.”

“Hey, shouldn’t have been in the way in the first place.”

Spike rolled his eyes at her response. “But like I was saying, why are you even here in the first place?”

“I moved here not too long ago,” Gilda said. “Or, technically, just outside of Ponyville.”

“What?!”

“You have a problem with it? ‘Cause last time I checked, there wasn’t anything saying I couldn’t live here if I didn’t want. As lame as you guys are, your cost of living is pretty cheap.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” Spike said. “Sooo… now that you’re staying here, are you still going to be a… well… jerk?”

Gilda raised an eyebrow. “As long as you keep acting like total dorks, then I guess I’ll be a so-called ‘jerk’.”

The atmosphere became uncomfortable for Spike. The hostility of the griffon would have easily killed his high spirits if he didn’t have a mare to see and speak to today. He furrowed his brow and looked away. “Well, as much as I’d like to stand here and chat with you, I have an appointment with a beautiful mare, and I want to get her something nice for the occasion.”

“Oh, so you’re gonna get something for your little marefriend?” Gilda smirked.

Spike huffed, letting puffs of smoke expel from his nostrils. “Yeah… well, she’s not my marefriend yet. But soon I hope to make her mine. She’s beautiful—gorgeous even—kind, and very gentle with me. She’s just so—”

Gilda faked a gag as Spike swooned over the mare of his dreams. “Okay, I get it! I don’t want to hear all the details about your little crush!”

Spike snapped out of his lovestruck trance and turned back to Gilda. “Well that’s good, because now I don’t have to waste any more time talking to you! Now, to figure out what else to get her…”

“You could always opt for flowers,” Gilda said.

“I know that. I just have to figure out the right ones to give her.”

“Well, if you want my advice—”

“And I don’t.”

Gilda huffed at Spike’s snarky reply. “Well, fine then, squirt. I was gonna suggest you get her something that isn’t cliche or generic, like some dahlias or something, but go ahead. Get her those lame tulips or roses you were probably gonna buy.”

“Just… fly off somewhere, you winged lion!” Spike growled and turned away, mentally facepalming for the bad insult.

“Gladly.” Without further conversation, Gilda spread her wings and flew off.

Now that the griffon was out of the picture, Spike walked towards the floral stand. Gathering his thoughts, he tried to decide the flowers he would give to Rarity as he reached the countertop.

“Hi there, young Spike.” The shop owner waved a hoof to him and smiled.

“Oh, hi, Junebug,” Spike said. “I just need to buy some flowers.”

“Let me guess. They’re for Miss. Rarity, aren’t they?”

“You know it.” Spike chuckled.

“Well, little one, just say the flower you want and I’ll see what I can do for you.”

“That’s just the thing… I’m not exactly sure if I know what kind of flowers to get her.”

“Well, whenever you’re ready, let me know.” Junebug went and watered her flowers, waiting patiently for the dragon to make his decision.

He didn’t want to give her the same flowers most stallions gave a girl to show affection. Roses, tulips, daisies. They all seemed like boring, thoughtless attempts to woo the lady. He wanted to get her something different—something special.

I was gonna suggest you get her something that isn’t cliche or generic, like some dahlias or something, but go ahead. Get her those lame tulips or roses you were probably gonna buy. The statement rung in Spike’s mind constantly.

Dahlias… dahlias…

“Um, Miss Junebug, I think I know what I want.” Spike looked over to her.The mare put down her watering can and walked back to the counter.

“Alright then. What will it be?” she asked.

“Um, do you have any dahlias?”

“Dahlias?” Junebug was surprised that he was asking for such a distinct flower. “Well, aren’t we splurging today! I have a nice bouquet of them ready for purchase.”

“Nice!” Spike dug into his pockets, fishing for the bits he had. “How much will this cost?”

Junebug smiled. “For you, Spike, I’ll give you this for free.”

“Really? You’d do that?” Spike’s eyes widened as Junebug handed him the flowers.

“Not everyday do I see a young gentledrake trying to be original with his mare,” she said with a wink. “Consider it a good luck gift.”

Spike jumped up and hugged Junebug’s neck, nuzzling against her cheeks while doing so. “Thank you, thank you!”

She grinned. “No problem. Just make sure you win her over for me.”

“I’ll do my best.” Junebug wrapped the flowers in plastic and handed them to Spike. He once again thanked her for her charity before skipping off towards the boutique, ready to finally seal the deal.

He walked towards the Carousel Boutique slowly. His legs were getting heavier as he got closer to the door, his nerves getting the best of him.

“Come on Spike.” He took a deep breath and tried to steady himself. “You practiced for this! Take a deep breath, stand up straight, and above all, don’t sound desperate.”

He exhaled, calmed himself down, and opened the boutique door.

“Who is it?” Rarity’s voice rang throughout her home when the bell above the door jingled. Spike could already feel himself slipping in a small trance just from hearing her voice. He shook his head and grabbed ahold of himself.

“It’s me, Spike,” he said, shaking. “I… I came here to—”

“Well, isn’t this a lovely surprise!” Rarity trotted towards Spike, smiling brightly. “How is my little Spikey-Wikey doing this evening?”

Spike couldn’t help but blush. His love, the beautiful Rarity, was greeting him with his pet name. This was nothing new, but it still sent his heart ablaze. “I… um… wanted to… g-get you these.”

Spike extended his claws to hand her the flowers, mentally berating himself for stammering over his words.

“These are for me?” Rarity gasped, levitating the flowers. She unwrapped the plastic and sniffed them. “These are lovely, Spike! How did you know I liked dahlias?”

“Just a hunch I had,” Spike said, scratching the back of his head.

“Well, you have a very good hunch then,” she said sweetly, smiling at him. “I absolutely love these! I’ll be right back, Spikey. I simply need to put these in the vase on the kitchen table.”

Spike rocked back and forth with delight. He was very happy that Rarity loved the flowers he picked out for her… or really the flowers that Gilda picked out for her. His rocking suddenly ceased and he frowned.

He didn’t get Rarity anything special. If it wasn’t for Gilda, he would have stuck with the same old roses that other stallions bought their mares.

Rarity watered her new plant, humming while she did so. This gave him ample amounts of time to think of what he was about to say.

Spike, listen to me. You can not mess this up. Once you fail, it’s over. Say what you want to say, do it correctly, and don’t choke again. She’s beautiful, but you can handle her. Show her you can handle her.

“Oh my, it’s that late already.” Rarity sighed as she returned to Spike in the living room.

“Spike, while I would enjoy having your company around, I have projects that have to be done by tomorrow afternoon. Could you save what you had to say until tomorrow, Darling?”

Spike frowned, sighing in both relief and disappointment. He now had more time to plan what he would say. “Um… yeah, no problem. I wouldn’t want to hold you back from completing your dresses.” He chuckled nervously. “I’ll, uh, just stop by later tomorrow.”

Rarity walked up to Spike and kissed him on both cheeks. “Thanks for being so understanding, Spike. And thanks for the flowers. Not too often does a guy try to be original,” she said with a smile.

“Yeah… not too often… Heh...” Spike mumbled, flushing from her kiss. He snapped himself out of it and grinned at her. “Anyways, see ya, Rarity.”

“Ta-ta!” Rarity waved at Spike as he exited the boutique. Spike walked back onto the streets of Ponyville and sighed.

“Why didn’t I just tell her then and there?” He knocked his fist against his head, aggravated with himself. “Stupid, stupid, stupid!” His whole plan had fallen apart. Every time he tried to talk to Rarity, he would freeze up and break down. He was tired of failing to obtain what he wanted.

“I need help,” he admitted with a sad sigh, lowering his head. He was considering going back to the library and laying down when a crazy idea came to mind. A crazy, completely illogical idea.

“I need to find Gilda. She seems to know what it takes to win over a girl, ironic as that is. Maybe she could help! I just need to figure out where she lives…”

With a determined look on his face, he ran towards the mayor’s office to locate the griffon.

“Let’s see what we have here…” Mayor Mare looked through her paperwork as she worked on her schedule. “More complaints about how rigid the streets are. You’d think that ponies wouldn’t care about these types of things.”

Her thoughts were interrupted as the town’s dragon pushed the door open and ran into her office.

“Ah, if it isn’t Spike,” Mayor Mare said nonchalantly. “Good timing, too. I’m still getting complaints about you using up the town’s water for your baths. Could you please cut down on that?”

“Yeah, sure. Listen, I need to know where someone lives,” Spike said quickly, breathing heavily.

“Whose house do you need to find, and why?” Mayor Mare asked.

“Well, there’s a griffon who moved here recently named Gilda—”

“Oh yes, her. She doesn’t really have a good reputation around here from what I heard. What would you possibly want with her?”

Spike looked around nervously, sweating a little. “Well… it’s kinda personal. Look, I just want to know where she lives and be on my way! Could you help me out?”

“I don’t see why not,” Mayor Mare said in a calm tone, “but let’s make this quick. I have a busy schedule.” She pulled out Ponyville’s directory and located Gilda’s whereabouts. “Okay, it says here that she lives in a small house just outside of Sweet Apple Acres. It’s a pretty solitary area.”

“Great!” Spike rushed towards the door. “Thanks again, Mayor!”

“Oh, and remember, please don’t take your—” The door slammed shut before she could finish her sentence. “Six hour bubble bath…” She sighed and stacked the papers up, rereading the litany of what would surely be complaints.

The dragon made his way to the griffon’s household as quickly as possible. The mayor wasn’t kidding when she said that the house was practically in the middle of nowhere. The small, brown abode was located in a wide, empty field, with only trees for nearby company.

“Well, she definitely made her place noticeable,” he said, laughing a little. “Though I doubt anypony would ever go and visit. Still wondering if I should—”

He immediately kicked that thought out of his mind. “No! There’s no need to question it. I have to do this if I want a chance better chance at winning Rarity over.”

Spike sighed, walked towards Gilda’s house, and prepared himself for the worst. He knocked on the door and waited…

… And waited….

… And waited. For nearly two minutes, there was not a word from inside the house. He knocked again to confirm if she was truly gone or not. There was still no answer. She was either ignoring him or just not there at the moment. Either way, he wasn’t going to be able to talk to her that day.

“Should have known this would be a waste of time.” Spike groaned. “I’ll just have to find somepony who could give me some advice.”

As he turned around to leave, the door slowly creaked open, revealing a drowsy and grumpy Gilda. “Couldn’t you see the do not disturb sign on the door?” She growled, wiping away sleep from her eyes.

“Oh,” Spike said dumbly, just now noticing the wooden Go Away sign on her door. “Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention, and—”

“What the heck!” Gilda’s vision cleared and she finally noticed who was talking to her. “Oh, that’s right! You’re the little twerp I ran into this morning. What do you want?”

“Well,” Spike began nervously, “I remembered what you said about getting her those dahlias, so I bought them, and—”

“Oh, so the kid actually took some sound advice.” Gilda smirked and crossed her arms. “So tell me… what was her reaction?”

“She… she loved the flowers you suggested.”

“I’m sorry, couldn’t hear that.” Gilda put a claw against her ear, pretending to clean it free of wax. “Who suggested you get those flowers again?”

Spike clenched his teeth at her taunting and groaned in defeat. “You did...”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought you said,” Gilda gloated, rubbing it in. “Well, if all you wanted was for me to humiliate you, then my job here is done. Enjoy your life and goodbye.” She started to close the door.

“Wait!” Spike grabbed the door before Gilda closed it on him. “I need to ask you something.”

Gilda rolled her eyes and opened the door again. “What do you want?”

“Well, I was hoping that maybe…” Spike paused as Gilda stared down at him. He swallowed. “Maybe you could help me try to win over Rarity.”

Gilda let out a hearty laugh. “Oh that’s rich! The little dweeb wants me to help him woo a lady!”

Spike rolled his eyes and facepalmed. “Yeah, so... will you do it?”

“Of course,” Gilda said sarcastically, throwing up her claws as she mocked him. “I would love to help a tiny twerp win the heart of his crush and waste time I could’ve spent sleeping! I totally want to spend my time helping you get over your inability to do things by yourself.”

“You will?” Spike asked with high hopes.

“No. Now buzz off!” Gilda attempted to close the door again, but Spike kept prying it open. She scowled and narrowed her eyes at him as she tried to pull the door shut. “Kid, you’re starting to get on my nerves! I said, buzz off!”

“No!” Spike stood firm. “Not until you help me!”

Gilda groaned, rolling her eyes. “I already told you! It’s not gonna happen! Go bug somebody else who cares!”

Spike held onto the door,attempting to pry it open to prevent Gilda from slamming it in his face. “Please, Gilda, I’m begging you! I need your help. I’ll do anything for your advice!”

Gilda stopped trying to pull the door closed and softened her expression. She almost had pity for the desperate guy. “So, you’ll do anything?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes! Whatever you want!”

Gilda rubbed her chin with her claw, grinning deviously. “Okay then, squirt. How many bits do you have?”

“What?”

“You want my advice, you’re gonna have to pay up.” She extended her claw, expecting him to hand her the money.

“B-but I was going to save this for something to eat at Sugarcube Corner,” Spike whined.

“Well, if pastries are more important than impressing your mare, then I guess we’re done here.”

“NO! Okay, I’ll pay up.” Spike reached into his pockets and pulled out all his money. “Here. Now will you please help me?!”

Gilda counted all the bits in her hand and scrunched her face. “This is all you have?”

“Well… I get paid more today, if money is an issue. I could always bring you more if you need it!” Spike added, fidgeting nervously.

“Hmm…” Gilda mulled over the proposition for a few moments before saying, “Yeah, I could work with that.”

Spike jumped around Gilda’s feathery neck and squeezed tightly. “Thank you, thank you! You don’t know how much this means to me!”

“Trust me, I have a good idea.” Gilda grabbed Spike and pulled him off of her, brushing off her fluffy chest.

“So, when do we begin?” Spike asked eagerly.

“Well, kid, I think you should go home for now.” Gilda stretched out and yawned. “I’m going to go and get some sleep.”

“What? But you promised to—”

“I expect you to meet me here first thing tomorrow morning,” she said as she walked back inside the house. “I hate having to wait up on folks. You got that?”

Spike nodded.

“Good. Now scram!” With everything finally said, Gilda closed the door on Spike.

The dragon walked away from Gilda’s home and headed towards the Golden Oaks Library.

Later that night, Spike lied in his basket, sleep refusing to take him. His mind was too focused on other things.

Spike tossed and turned, mumbling questions to himself. “Is she really going to help me? What advice will she give me? Can she really help me win over Rarity?”

“Spike, what are you going on about?” Twilight asked, half-asleep.

“Oh, um, I’m was just trying to figure out what kind of cakes I want to get tomorrow with my money,” Spike said with a nervous chuckle.

Twilight gave him a small, tired smile and giggled a bit. “Isn’t that just like you, Spike. Always thinking with your stomach. Just keep your mumbling down. I’m very tired.”

“Will do, Twilight!” Spike watched as she turned away and went back to sleep, snoring as soon as her head hit the pillow. His thoughts immediately returned to Gilda and what she would do to help him.

Still can’t believe I was desperate enough to go to her. But Rarity is totally worth dealing with her. I mean, how bad could it possibly be? All I have to do is listen to what she says and then go for it.

Even with his mind focused on the coming event, his drowsiness finally took ahold of him and he fell asleep, anticipating the following day.

Spike woke up early enough to reach the griffon’s house on her time. He bought himself a few muffins to fill his stomach and wake himself up fully, making sure he had enough bits to satisfy Gilda.

He approached the house and knocked on her door. It didn’t take her too long to respond this time, but her head was a mess. She looked like she had just gotten out of bed. Gilda quickly straightened her tufted feathers and looked directly at Spike.

“So, where’s the rest of the money?” she asked, holding her claw out.

“It’s right here.” Spike sighed and pulled the remaining bits he had out of his pockets. “And good morning to you, too,” he added, irritation in his voice.

Gilda counted the bits and added them to the previous day’s pay. “So, that amounts to forty bits. Still chump change, but I’ll be generous and settle with this.”

You call taking all of the money I had being generous? “Okay, so what do we do now?” Spike asked.

“Well, the first thing I need to know is who is this mare you’re so sweet on,” Gilda said. “Can’t help you if I don’t know what she’s like.”

“Oh, that will be easy!” Spike immediately perked up. “Her name is Rarity. She’s the most amazing, beautiful, simply glorious—”

“When I said I needed to know about this mare, I didn’t mean throw a bunch of love vomit at me!” Gilda gagged. “I meant describe her characteristics—what she likes and does.”

“Oh,” Spike said. He tapped his chin with a claw. “Well, she’s the owner of the Carousel Boutique. She likes fine wine and opera. She absolutely loves cherry creme-filled chocolates and truffles.”

“Mmmhmm. So she’s a mare of refined taste. I see.”

“Yes… very…” Spike started swooning over the thought of Rarity again, making Gilda roll her eyes.

“And here you are, a tubby, little dragon without a single clue of how to pick up a chick by himself. At this rate, you only have a thirty percent chance of winning her over.”

Spike lowered his head, staring at the ground. “Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

Gilda shook her head, feeling pity for the poor dragon. “But with a little help from Gilda here, I’ll be able to raise your chances by about… I don’t know… twenty percent.”

“But... that’s still only half a chance,” Spike whined. “That’s lower than I expected.” His forehead scales drooped in disappointment.

“Hey, I said I would help you. I didn’t say I could perform miracles. You’re going to have to put in most of the work,” Gilda said.

“Fine. So, what should I do?”

Gilda facepalmed. “Gee, do I have to tell you everything? Why not take her to dinner at a place you know she likes?”

Spike paused for a moment before suggesting the first things that came to mind. “Well, she does like nice yet simple foods… or ‘cuisines,’ as she would call them. I’ve heard her talk about some restaurant called Le Creuset.”

“Ah, the only four-star restaurant in Ponyville.”

“Yeah, and it’s quite expensive,” Spike said, then smiled. “But she’s worth every bit.”

“Well, there you have it!” Gilda clapped her claws together. “You got a good start right there. Now, you just need to ask her out.”

“Was it really that simple?”

“Yep, and I got paid forty bits just to tell you something simple,” she said with a smirk, a laugh escaping her beak.

Spike scrunched his face in disapprovement as Gilda laughed at him. “You don’t have to rub it in, you know,” he said coldly, crossing his arms.

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, since all you have to do is ask her out, I can add in some tips on what to do if she says yes.”

“Sure, why not,” Spike said, shrugging. “Might as well make the most out of the money you swindled from me.”

“Hey, you were desperate enough to give me your allowance,” Gilda corrected. “You did this on your own free will.”

“Whatever…” Spike rolled his eyes. “Well, I guess I should go ahead and ask her. I’ll come back and tell you how things went.”

“Don’t be too quick to come back,” Gilda said, flipping one of the bits in her talon.

Spike walked eagerly towards the boutique. All he had to do was invite Rarity out to dinner and he would be set. An easy task, right?

He stepped in front of the boutique, his legs shaking vigorously.

Not this again! It should not be this hard!

As he walked inside, he noticed Rarity reclining on her couch, encased in her warm, fluffy bathrobe. Spike’s cheeks flushed from the sight of his goddess.

“Spike?” Rarity turned towards him, making his blush deepen even more. “What are you doing here so early?”

“Well… I… um…” Spike couldn’t get a word in without fumbling over himself.

“Something wrong?” Her soft tone sent shivers down Spike’s spine.

“It’s just…. well… I wanted to—”

“Wanted to what? You can tell me anything, Spike.”

Once again, Spike found himself unable to speak to her properly. He needed to come up with something before he looked like a bumbling idiot.

“I… I just wanted to see how your projects were going,” he said. “I saw that you were so busy yesterday, and I wanted to see how the process was going!” He smiled awkwardly at Rarity, scratching his head.

“Well, wasn’t that thoughtful of you,” Rarity said. “I got done with the last of my projects last night. When the clients come to pick them up, I can enjoy the rest of my evening.” Rarity sighed dreamily, anticipating finally being free of her workload.

“Yeah, that’s nice,” Spike muttered, kicking at the floor.

Rarity tilted her head and eyed him curiously. “Is there something else? It looks like you have something on your mind.”

“No!” Rarity raised an eyebrow at his outburst. Spike covered his mouth. “I-I mean… there’s nothing else on my mind. I just came to check on your projects! Yeah, that’s it.”

Rarity could tell that something was on Spike’s mind, and she had a good idea of what it was. Not wanting to make this situation any more awkward, she decided to let it slide. “Well, aren’t you a good friend,” she said with a small smile.

“Yeah, friend. Just… friend.” Spike sighed in disappointment. It was time to cut his losses and report back to Gilda. “Well, I’ll be going now. See ya around, Rarity.”

“Well, okay, Spikey. But why don’t we—”

Before she finished her sentence, Spike rushed out the door. Rarity sighed and looked down, digging a hoof at the carpet. “I’m going to have to tell him sooner or later…”

Gilda rolled on the ground, tears welling in her eyes from laughter.

“Oh, that’s rich!” Gilda howled, holding her claw against her chest. “I can’t believe you choked up just because she was in a fancy robe!”

“Oh shut up!” Spike scowled. “I should have never even came here if you were going to make fun of me!”

“I just— I just can’t hold it in!” Gilda gasped and tried to catch her breath. “You… didn’t last even a second without choking up!”

“Fine, okay?!” Spike blurted, balling his claws into fists. “I can’t talk to her about this without messing up! There! Happy? I’m hopeless! There’s not a chance I’ll be able to win her over!”

Spike buried his face in his arms, sobbing in frustration. Gilda noticed how distraught the dragon was, and ceased her laughter, her expression softening. She extended one of her claws and patted Spike on the back to console him.

“Listen, kid, it ain’t the end of the world quite yet,” she said. “So what? You messed up. You still have time to try again.”

“But, how?” Spike lifted his head and stared up at Gilda.

“The problem is not your personality, or you not knowing what she wants, but rather your lack of confidence. If you keep acting like this, you’ll never win her over.”

“So, how do I solve it?”

Gilda licked the tip of her claw and rubbed her feathered fringe. “By practicing on me.”

Spike raised an eyebrow at her suggestion. “I don’t quite follow.”

“It’s simple, really. You talk to me like you would talk to this Rarity girl. So basically, when you look at me, think about her.”

“But, you’re nothing like her,” Spike said, shaking his head.

Gilda groaned. “I know that, Einstein! It’s just for practice!”

“I’m not so sure about this. It wouldn’t be the same.”

Gilda pinched her forehead and sighed. “Alright then. Well, since you aren’t willing to begin, I’ll take the lead and just act as her.”

Gilda patted her chest and let out a small cough, preparing to give her best haughty accent. “Oh, Spike, what brings you here? I was just sitting here, powdering my fat rump.”

Spike blinked. “Wait, what?”

“Oh, you wouldn’t believe how boring it has been around here. I’ve just sat around doing nothing but eat fattening cake and drone about how pathetic I truly am!”

Spike’s blood began to boil. How dare Gilda make a mockery of Rarity like that?

“Cut it out!” he shouted, blowing small puffs of smoke out of his nose. “You’re not taking this seriously at all!”

“Well, if you aren’t going to make an attempt, why should I?” Gilda folded her arms across her chest. “I’m perfectly able to take this seriously if you show me you’re willing to put effort in it.”

Spike was starting to regret going to Gilda for help; however, he did have to admit she had a point. Who was he to question or challenge her on the subject of winning the heart of his special mare? After all, she did suggest getting the flowers Rarity enjoyed so much. He would just have to grin and bear it.

“Um… Rarity?” Spike said, trying to play along.

“What is it, deary?” Gilda asked in the voice that grated Spike’s ears.

“I… um… wanted to… well….”

“Pause!” Gilda stopped the hoity-toity voice and returned to her normal tone. “From now on, I don’t want you going ‘um,’ and ‘well,’ while pausing every two words! That shows a lack of confidence, something she’ll pick up on immediately.”

“Okay, I’ll try,” Spike said quietly, kicking at the ground.

“You’re not going to try, dweeb. You’re going to do it,” Gilda said firmly. “Also, none of that kicking or arms behind your back stuff. Stand up straight, look me straight in the eye, and talk with confidence.”

Spike obeyed her orders. He straightened his posture and made direct eye contact with the griffon.

Gilda crossed her arms. “Okay, let’s try this again.”

Spike took a deep breath and stared back up at Gilda. “Oh hey, Gild— I mean, Rarity. How’s it going?”

Gilda facepalmed from his slip-up. “You’re still not envisioning me as Rarity.”

“How can I do that? You’re clearly a griffon!”

“Could you make an attempt to try?” She groaned. “Just forget that I’m Gilda. Think hard and imagine me as Rarity. It’ll make the exercise easier.”

“Fine, I’ll give it a shot.” He closed his eyes and thought long and hard, trying to form Rarity in his mind. Once he opened his eyes, he noticed that the griffon was no longer standing in front of him. Instead, it was the lovely Rarity staring at him with half-lidded eyes.

“Spikey…” Her voice was silky and dreamlike, making Spike blush furiously. “Is there something you want to tell me, dear?”

Words refused to escape Spike’s lips. It was as if her beauty had stolen his ability to speak.

“Spike?”

Her splendor hypnotised him, sending him into a trance.

“Spiiike?”

A dopey grin formed on his face.

“Hey! Spike! Snap out of it!”

Gilda tapped Spike on his head, bringing him back to reality. Instead of his sweet, angelic Rarity, he once again saw the face of the agitated, pain-in-the-neck Gilda. “Dude, you wonked out on me!”

“I was just trying to imagine you as Rarity!” Spike protested, defending himself.

“And in doing so, you slipped into that stupid, dopey trance.” Gilda shook her head.

“Sorry…” Spike grimaced, feeling disappointed in himself yet again.

“This is going to be a long day.” Gilda sighed.

The two spent the next several hours practicing and making sure Spike got a grip on his nerves. They made slow progress, inching their way towards building his confidence.

“Spike, what did you want to ask me, dear?” Gilda asked,l poorly mimicking Rarity’s voice.

Spike said confidently, “I just wanted to know if you wouldn’t mind going out with me to Le Creuset.”

Finally! The twerp finally got it. Gilda sighed dreamily and decided to play it coy. “Well, I don’t know…”

“If you don’t want to consider it a date, then that’s fine,” Spike said cooly, “but it would be an honor to take somepony as amazing as you out.”

“If you insist, Spikey…” Just uttering that pet name made Gilda want to throw up. “I’ll need to check my calendar, then I’ll get back with you for an answer.”

“Oh… so you’re busy then?” Spike asked, a bit confused.

“No, you got it all wrong, kid,” Gilda replied in her normal voice. “When a mare says she needs to check her calendar, that’s a sign that she’s considering it.”

Spike raised an eyebrow. “Really? It’s that simple?”

“Not entirely. Sometimes they’ll say different things. It’s still easy to pick up the signs, though. If they don’t directly tell you no, or don’t show any hesitation, they are at least considering it.”

“Ahh, that’s good.” Spike smiled widely, hope radiating off him.

“You seem proud of yourself, squirt,” Gilda said Spike nodded in affirmation. Gilda grinned. “Well, I don’t blame you. It took you a few hours, but at least you finally stopped acting like a dork.”

“Thanks, I guess.” Spike chuckled. His light laughter was interrupted by a rumbling in his stomach.

Gilda gave him an amused smirk. “Sounds like someone’s hungry.”

“Well, all I had this morning was two blueberry muffins,” he said as he rubbed his belly. “I haven’t had anything to eat since.”

“Well, it has been a long day, and I’m hungry myself. Tell you what, because I’m a nice griffon…” She heard Spike cover his mouth and chuckle, his claws muffling his snickers. Gilda raised an eyebrow. “Anyways, like I was saying— because I’m nice, I’ll get us some lunch at wherever you want to eat.”

“Using the money I gave you?” Spike asked, a hint of irritation in his voice.

Gilda just smirked. “Still counts. Now, either you can accept my charity, or I can change my mind and let you go hungry.”

Spike wasn’t the one to let free food fly by— even though she was technically using his money to buy them lunch. “Alright, Gilda. I’ll take you up on your offer.”

Gilda smiled and turned her back on him, spreading her wings. “Well, hop on, squirt. I like getting my lunch on the fly, and I don’t need you slowing me down.”

Spike didn’t hesitate. He lifted himself on Gilda’s back, petting her soft, fluffy feathers. “Wow, you’re soft,” he said, stroking her feathery back.

“Uhh… thanks?” Gilda clicked her tongue. “Now if you’re done being creepy, let’s get out of here and get some grub.” Gilda flapped her wings and kicked her talons up. She soared through the air at top speed, flying towards the town square.

“Whoa! We’re up high!” Spike looked at the tiny ponies below him in amazement.

“You act as if this is your first time flying,” Gilda said.

“Well, I’ve been in the air before, but not on a griffon’s back. This is exciting!”

Gilda couldn’t help but chuckle at Spike’s excitement. “Well, if you think this is thrilling, then how about this!”

“What are you talking abo— AAAAAAAAHH!”

Gilda turned upside down and folded her arms, back stroking in the air.

“Gilda! What are you doing?” Spike cried. He held onto her feathers and flailed his legs in the air.

She laughed. “Don’t panic, kid! Just relax.”

“How can I relax when I’m hanging on the end of your feathers?!”

“You worry too much. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

Spike felt his hands slipping. “Um.. Gilda?” Gilda ignored the dragon and started humming to herself. “Gilda, this isn’t funny anymore!”

Spike’s panicking went unnoticed. His grip became weaker and weaker, until he eventually lost hold of Gilda and began plummeting to the ground below.

“GIIIIIIIIIIIIIILDDDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Spike flailed his arms and legs in panic, expecting the worse. He closed his eyes, not wanting to see himself splat on the hard surface. However, as time went on, he didn’t feel as if he was falling any more. In fact, it was as if he had landed on something.

“You can open your eyes now.” Gilda laughed. “We’re already on the ground!”

Spike pried his fearful eyes open and found he was perfectly perched on Gilda’s back. She grinned at the terrified dragon as he gasped heavily to regain his breath.

“Don’t— do that— again!” Spike said between breaths.

“Alright, if you’re that much of a chicken,” Gilda said with a smirk. “So, where do you want to eat at?”

After Spike was finished hyperventilating, he paused for a moment, tapping his chin. “I don’t know. I guess we could go somewhere simple. Maybe that sandwich shack down the street.”

Gilda nodded. “I’m down with that.”

The two sat at the table of the restaurant, waiting for their meal to arrive.

“Boy, I can’t wait for our food to arrive!” Spike licked his lips. “I feel like I’m going to die of starvation!”

“Not going to lie, I could use some food, too,” Gilda said. “Wish they had something like fish though, but I’ll make do with what I ordered.”

“Yeah, they don’t serve gems here, so I have to make do as well. It’s almost like they don’t try to make things more manageable for us non-ponies.”

“Wow, isn’t that the understatement of the century?” Gilda said, her words dripping with sarcasm. “Still, it’s cheaper living here than where I was.”

“And that was?” Spike asked.

“I used to stay in a two-story apartment in Manehatten. If I had to describe it two words, I would say ‘run-down’. The water always leaked from the faucets, the wallpaper kept peeling off the wall, my roommate was the junkiest waste of space, and the bed was jacked up! And how much did it cost? Six hundred bits a month, for that dump!”

Spike gasped. “That’s even more expensive than Golden Oaks Library!”

Gilda nodded. “So I ditched the trash heap and decided to move over here. Yeah, I have bad beef with some of the ponies here, but I figured none of them would care if I isolated myself from them,” she said.

“So that’s why you bought the house outside of Sweet Apple Acres…”

“You’re not as dumb as I thought you were, squirt,” she quipped, eliciting a small harumph from Spike. “Not that anypony here cares. If I’m out of the way, they probably won’t pay me any attention.”

“You know, you could always apologize to them,” Spike said. “I mean, you don’t seem like the big jerk we thought you were. No offense, of course.”

“None taken.” Gilda dismissed him with a claw. “And you aren’t the idiotic doofus I thought you were. But you’re still a dweeb though.”

“Hey!” Spike glared at her.

“It’s the truth, kid.” Gilda’s teasing brought a small smile to Spike’s face. “And as for your suggestion, I’d rather things stay how they are. Not really into being social with the ponies, especially not the pink one.”

“Pinkie isn’t that bad—”

Gilda scoffed. “She is the most annoying of the bunch! If she ever tried to become my friend, I think I would go insane!”

Spike couldn’t help but laugh at her response. “Well, if you feel so strongly about it, I guess I can let everypony think you’re a ‘big, bad, meanie’.”

“Thanks, Spike,” Gilda said with a grin. Spike’s eyes widened at her words. Gilda to looked at him, confused. “There a problem?”

“No, no problem…” Spike said, “It’s just this is the first time you’ve actually stated my name instead of a word like ‘twerp’ or ‘dweeb’.”

Gilda chuckled. “Ha, that’s all? Well, I can tell you I won’t be wearing it out anytime soon.”

The two held idle chit-chat until the waiter arrived with their food. Spike didn’t waste any time burying his claws into the stack of hay fries and shoveling them in his mouth.

“Slow down, kid!” Gilda said as she picked up her sandwich to take a bite. “You’re going to choke yourself trying to down all those fries!”

“No, I womph,” he mumbled, his cheeks puffy and filled with food.

Gilda rolled her eyes and looked at the ketchup on the table, smiling deviously. “Okay, I don’t want to see you chewing with a mouthful of food while I’m eating. Stop shoving so much in your mouth.”

“Mafe me!”

“Ooooh… So now Spike wants to act all big and bad!”

Spike smugly smiled at her, satisfied that he managed to talk back to her.

“Hey, what is that?” Gilda asked, pointing behind them.

“Hmm?” Spike turned and looked around. “I don’f see any—”

He heard a loud gagging sound and a sudden thud. He slowly turned around and was met with a gruesome sight. Gilda was lying face-first on the table, a red trail of what seemed like blood trailing from her neck.

“Oh my gosh, oh my gosh!” Spike’s eyes bulged. “Gilda!! Wake up!” He shook her body, but it remained limp. He lifted her claw, noticing the tips painted with red.

“OH NO!” Spike exclaimed, tears welling in his eyes. “Gilda, I’m sorry! I promise to slow down! I didn’t mean to make you want to—”

“RAA!” Gilda jerked up and reached out for Spike, making him to jump back and fall on the ground. A hearty laugh escaped her throat.

“Gilda! Why in Equestria would you do that?!” Spike yelled, his face flushing in embarrassment.

“Hey, it got you to stop shoving your face, didn’t it?” She snickered.

“Yeah, while nearly giving me a heart attack! I thought you were really—”

Once again, Gilda let out a fit of laughter, drawing the attention of other ponies. “You are the most gullible thing on the planet! Look at this stuff. What does this remind you of?”

Spike dipped a claw in the substance and brought it to his mouth. An annoyed frown painted his face once he tasted it. He glared at her as he pulled his claw out of his mouth. “It was ketchup.”

“Ding ding ding! Look who’s smarter than a snail.”

Although Spike’s mood soured from her display, he was glad that nothing bad actually happened to her. For some unexplained reason, he was starting to enjoy Gilda’s company.

“Just don’t do that to me again,” Spike said with a groan, rubbing the back of his head. “You nearly scared me to death doing that.”

The sincere dragon gave Gilda wide, glossy eyes, softening her expression to a more serious face. “Sure, kid. Sure.”

The rest of their time there was spent eating the last of their food. Spike finished his plate earlier than she did and asked Gilda if she would pay for a piece of cake. Time went by, and soon both Gilda and Spike had finished their meal.

“Well, I’m good and stuffed,” Spike said, patting his tummy.

“You should be. You went through an entire plate of hayfries and a slice of carrot cake.” Gilda rolled her eyes.

“And it all went down smooth.” Spike let out a satisfied sigh and slouched in the chair. “Thanks for buying lunch with my money, by the way.”

“Ah it was nothing, literally.” Gilda finished off the last of her drink and wiped her beak. “I have to say— you really aren’t that bad. For a dweeb, that is.”

“Well, you aren’t too bad for a jerky, feathered lion.”

Gilda shook her head at his lame quip, smiling softly.

“Well, since my tummy is full, might as well go and try to ask Rarity out to dinner tonight,” Spike said.

“Now?” Gilda watched in shock as Spike dismissed himself from the table and started confidently walking towards the boutique. “You sure you’re ready?”

“Positive. I can’t wait around all day. I need to act now!” Spike declared, puffing out his chest.

“Well, if you think you can do it without choking, then go for it,” Gilda said. “Just remember what we went over and you should do fine.”

“Will do, Gilda.” Spike gave her a thumbs-up. He was finally ready to confess his undying love to Rarity.

Rarity hummed to herself as she powdered her face.“Well, tonight is the big night, Rarity,” she said happily to her reflection. “You have to look your best for this occasion.”

Rarity’s attention turned towards the door once she heard it creak open. “Who is it?”

A young voice called out, “It’s me, Spike.”

Rarity put down her face powder and trotted towards the young dragon. She noticed something different about him. He wasn’t shivering or showing any signs of nervousness. He was absolutely glowing with confidence.

“Well hello, Spikey Wikey.” She smiled warmly at him. “What brings you here?”

“Oh, I just wanted to ask you something.”

“And that is?”

A smile spread across Spike’s face. He cleared his throat and continued his statement. “Well, we’ve been friends for quite some time now, and surely nopony has to tell you that you are a beautiful young mare.”

“Spike, what is with all this flattery?” Rarity asked, putting a hoof against her cheek.

“Well, Rarity, I want to treat you like the lady that you are.” Rarity’s face contorted as Spike began to explain himself. “You seem to like this fancy restaurant called Le Creuset, so I figured I that we could go there together tonight!”

“Tonight?” Rarity asked.

Spike nodded.

Rarity’s happy demeanor began to wane. Oh dear. I have to tell him someday. Might as well make it now.

“Spike, we need to have a talk.”

“Sure thing, Rarity! What’s on your mind?” he asked in a chipper tone.

Rarity walked to her sofa and gestured him to sit down next to her.

Rarity took a deep breath before speaking. “Spike, I like you and all, and I’m glad to have you as a friend—”

“Sooo… is that a yes then?”

Rarity sighed. “Spike, I’m sorry, but I can’t accept your offer.”

“Oh…” Spike fidgeted with his claws, glumly looking at Rarity. “Well, that’s fine. After all, we could always reschedule for another day, right?

“Well, Spikey… as sweet as this is, I’m afraid I’m just not interested in going out with you.”

Spike felt as if his heart was about to burst. Small tears began to trickle down his face. “Bu—but why not?”

Rarity couldn’t bare to see Spike like this, but she needed to say it. “Spike, I’m dating somepony else. I’m planning on meeting up with him later tonight,” she said flatly.

Just like that, Spike’s heart snapped in two. Everything he had worked for, all the effort he had made to ask his affection to one simple dinner, was now a waste.

Rarity frowned. “Oh, please don’t take it so hard, Spike. It’s nothing against you. I just don’t see us working in a relationship—”

“Because I’m a dragon, right?”

Rarity shook her head. “NO! That is not the reason, and you should never think that way!”

“Then why?” Spike’s eyes were glossy, tears threatening to escape him.

“Spike, I’ve always considered you a really important part of my life. You’re kind, sweet, and loyal to a fault. It is an honor to have you as a friend, but I just don’t love you the same way that you like me.”

“But I don’t just like you! I lo—”

Rarity put a hoof on Spike’s lips, halting his next words. “You think you do, but in due time, you’ll find someone else, someone even better than I am.”

“But— but I don’t want anyone else!” Spike started to cry. “I want you!”

“I know you think that way, Spike… I know…” Rarity pulled the saddened dragon close and hugged him. “But, trust me when I say this is just a crush. You can, and will find someone else. I’m not the only beautiful pony out there, you know.”

Spike remained silent. He looked up pitifully at Rarity with red, puffy eyes. It tore Rarity up inside to have to hurt his feelings like that.

“Please, Spikey. Don’t let this ruin the relationship we already have. I will always care for you— like a friend, a friend. If you need some time to cope with this, I understand. But please, for me, try not to be too torn up about this, okay?”

Spike nodded softly and sniffled. They stayed in the embrace for some time as Rarity stroked Spike’s scales to calm him down. After a while, Spike broke away from her and walked towards the door.

“Spike, are you going to be alright?” Rarity asked.

“Yeah, I’ll manage,” he said, his head hanging low. “I just need some time, that’s all.”

“Oh… I see…” She paused. “Well, please feel better later, okay?”

“Yeah… sure.” Spike waved goodbye to Rarity and left the boutique with a broken heart.

Spike’s heart was completely torn, his lips quivering as he trotted through the marketplace in Ponyville. His eyes never left the ground; he was practically a walking zombie, slowly dragging his feet and walking to nowhere in particular. The only thing that caught his attention was the flapping of wings and the descent of Gilda.

“Hey hey, what’s up with you?” Gilda flew down in front of him. “You look like someone had died!”

“I might as well have,” Spike replied dully. “Seeing how I’m dead on the inside.”

Gilda scratched her head, cocking her head to the side. “She said no, didn’t she?”

More tears forced their way out of his eyes. Rarity’s word buzzed through his mind, eating him alive. “I’m nothing more than a friend to her…”

Gilda sighed heavily. It was bugging her to see the poor dragon emotionally wrecked. “Listen kid, I know it sucks, but I did warn you that there was a chance you wouldn’t win her over.”

“Yeah…” Spike’s face was glued to the ground.

Gilda tapped her talons on the ground impatiently and groaned. “You know what? I can’t deal with this.” She grabbed Spike and planted him on her back.

“What are you doing?” Spike asked.

“Trying to get you to stop acting like a sad sap!” Gilda said as she spread her wings out. “If there’s one thing I hate more than dorks, that’s crybabies!”

“Okay,” Spike said, wiping the tears away from his face. “What are you going to do?”

“You’ll find out when we get there, dweeb.” Gilda grinned smugly and shot off into the sky.

Author's Notes:

Hope you enjoyed the first part of this story. Second part should be out when I get back from a short trip.